You Bleeding? Why? You're Stabbing Me.

Let's go back in time to last week......
Doctor:  What seems to be the problem?
Me:  My pinky finger and half of my ring finger keeps following asleep.  It's been doing it for a few months at the tips of my fingers, but I really thought I was just sleeping on it wrong.  Now it's doing it during the day.

Now remember....the doctor knows what I do.  The doctor is a friend of mine.  The doctor is the same one that got me not the right path to show me that I've got a floating IUD last year.  So he sends me to get an x-ray....and because of that, I left my #s with him for that time.  :-)

Doctor:  So your x-ray shows that you have two bone fragments in your elbow.  We will need to get those scoped out.  You also have a lot of arthritis that needs to be scraped out.  I'm concerned about your ulnar nerve....we might need to move it over.  We need to get you a nerve test....you won't like me because of this test, but it will tell us what we need.  

So do you see how life is ALWAYS interesting around here?  I mean, seriously....I JUST had surgery last year....and now we're looking at moving a random nerve around in my arm.  Does that really happen?  While they're in there, can they just move some fat around in my body?  I've got enough in my stomach that I could really make my lips look like Angelina Jolie's...and don't people want big butts?  I mean, I've got it MADE if we can just move things around.  And while things are randomly floating around in my body, why don't we find a piece of gold, a diamond or two...heck, I'll settle for a $20 bill.  Let's REALLY start looking around!

Over the weekend, I decided to google "nerve testing on ulnar nerve" and "EMG".  Let me tell you...when your doctor tells you not to google something, you probably shouldn't google it.   Now, if you're a doctor, don't tell people not to google it because that just tells us that it's bad enough that people have posted a video and you're gonna pee in your pants or cuss throughout this test.  When I told #1 that I was having this test....
#1:  You make sure you come right home after the test...I wanna see if you can charge my cell phone.
....as you can see, I don't get any sympathy from the #s.
Also...you shouldn't tell people that you're having this test done because everybody knows somebody that has had it done and the horror stories are worse than the videos that you watched.  Now....my doctor didn't mention google, but he did say "this is where you won't like me".....that's a key phrase....cuz during this test, I did not like my doctor.  So really, he was correct...I did not like him.

So I get to the nerve testing doctor today.  There is a slight language barrier....so I'm not only having to try to understand his dialect, I'm also trying to read his lips.....
Doc:  How long has this numbness been?
Me:  In my fingertips, since December.  In my pinky and 1/2 of my ring finger, since last week.
Doc:  Five months.  Not good.  You are too young.  You must work with hands?
Me:  Yes, I'm a music teacher.  I play piano and other instruments. 
...at this point, I am lying on a table that is extremely wobbly and squeaks every time I move.  I am wearing a medical gown and trying to look at my doctor as he talks to me.....
Doc:  I will hook you up to machine.  This should not hurt....be very uncomfortable.  
....yes, he said very uncomfortable.  Are you kidding me?  You are hooking me up to a machine and you're gonna shoot electricity through me and it's going to uncomfortable?  This is gonna HURT!!!  He proceeds to use this weird 2 prong looking object to make my arm jump....
Doc:  Ummmmmm.  
Doc:  Wow.
Doc:  Oh my goodness.
Doc:  Ohhhhhh....
Me:  Is that a good oh?
Doc:  I tell you when test is over.  
....listen dude....I can pretty much hear that something is wrong.  At this point, he is moving these sticky things all over my hand as he moves this electrical prong thingy all over my arm while still saying things like "wow" and "hummmmmmm"....
Doc:  Test is over.
Me:  Good.
Doc:  Now for part two.  This will not hurt.  I will now stick needle in your arm.  
....WHAT!??!?!?!  IT WILL NOT HURT!?!?!?!??!  OF COURSE THIS IS GOING TO HURT!!!!!
Doc:  Nee (STAB WITH NEEDLE) dle.
Me:  UGH! 
Doc:  See....not hurt.
Me:  Yeah.  
.....at this point, he proceeds to stab me with a needle up and down my arm.  I'm pretty sure you're supposed to say the full word (needle) to prepare the patient...not just say the syllable, stab and THEN finish the word.  Reminder....I do not like my doctor at this point....nor do I like the guy stabbing my arm.
Doc:  You bleeding.  Why?
Me:  You're stabbing me.  
Doc:  No one bleeds.  It will be fine.  
.....at this point, I probably would be better if I just passed out.  I'm miserable.  I'm by myself with a doctor stabbing me.  I'm cold.
Doc:  You need rest.
Me:  What?  
Doc:  You have damage to nerve and you need rest. 
Me:  Rest?
Doc:  No piano.  No music teacher.  You play a few bars of music and then you rest.  You have four bags of groceries, you bring them in one at a time and rest between bags.  It will take forever, but you need rest.
Me:  Rest will fix me?
Doc:  Yes.  Medicine?  No.  Just covers the pain.  You need a brace when you play music.  You rest.  
.....at this point, I am looking around the room thinking that there are hidden cameras and some prankster show is gonna come out and say "GOTCHA".
Doc:  You understand?  You need rest. 
Me:  Yes.
....did I understand?  Yes.  Am I still going to play the piano?  Yes.  Am I still going to be a music teacher?  Yes.  Let's just say that this momma is gonna be calling my doctor tomorrow and find out what's REALLY going on with my arm in our life by numbers.