Animals Gone Wild

So I've had lots of conversations about things I never thought I would with #1.  Science class has really left nothing to be desired in junior high.  I'm kind-of done with junior high science because it has caused me to have talks that I really think that a mom shouldn't have with her son.  The thing is, #1 likes to talk in the mornings and that's when these conversations usually happen.  I know, I know...."be glad that he talks to you"....and I AM....but my goodness science classes....go back to teaching about a solid, liquid and a gas....or even looking in a microscope.

See, it all began a few weeks ago when a mom stopped me and asked what I thought of them separating the boys from the girls in science class.  Of course, while she's talking, I'm thinking "I am a horrible mom cuz I have no clue why they're separating the boys and girls"...I hear the word "sex" and I don't worry much about it.  I mean, PRAISE THE LORD they are separating the boys and girls.  Can you even imagine having to teach that topic with both in there?!?!!?

I let days go by and then I remembered that she mentioned a packet.....
Me:  Hey.....are you doing a packet in science class?
#1:  Yes.  
Me:  May I see it please?
#1:  Why?  
Me:  Are you hiding something?
#1:  No....I just don't know why you want to see it.
Me:  Let me see your science packet.  
#1:  Fine.
......let me just tell you this right now.  We use the "proper" names of parts around here.  I grew up in a house that used the proper words, Hubby grew up in a house that used the proper words....but we don't walk around the house just throwing around "vagina", "penis", and "erection" in our everyday conversations.....which were the vocabulary words that I saw when I first looked at.
Me:  So, um....do you have any questions?
#1:  No. 
Me:  None?
#1:  Well.....
....at this point I am praying that God strike me down RIGHT NOW!  Open the earth and swallow me up.  Make the second coming come RIGHT NOW!  I can handle a fire.   I can handle a tornado.  I need an emergency.  Heck, I'll take a mouse.  I need God to do something. Now.  Right.  Now.
#1:  I'm a little embarrassed by all of this.  I mean, you and Daddy have been really honest with me about it, but talking about it in class and with some people that are totally immature makes me embarrassed.
.....of course, I'm thinking more about "he still called him Daddy and yet, I'm having to talk to him about sex.  Where is Hubby?  Why does this happen every time Hubby is out?  Maybe I should just have #1 start writing his questions down and I'll pick what I answer and let Hubby answer the rest?  Why can't there just be a manual on how to handle this....now....what was his question"....
Me:  Well honey, sometimes people don't get told by their parents about this kind of stuff and I'd rather them know from someone we trust rather than from the street corner.
#1:  FROM THE STREETS?!??!  Who would teach them on the streets?  People teach this stuff on the street corners?  Which corner?  I've never seen them!
....WHY DO I OPEN MY MOUTH!?!?!?!!
Me:  What I meant was people that don't know the real stuff.  
....of course, what I'm thinking is "YES THE STREETS"....but that's a different conversation...that I am MOST POSITIVE I'll have to have with him too!

The conversation ended and we were good.  I was pretty sure I've scarred him for life, but that's nothing new.  I'm pretty sure I scar him on a weekly basis.  I'm think it's part of my motherly duty.

So last night at life group, my friend asked if #1 had mentioned the videos called "Animals Gone Wild".  And I'm pretty sure that I can blame her for this the conversation this morning on the way to school....
Me:  Do you have all of your stuff for school?
#1:  Yes, I've got my purple folder and it's got all my work in it.  
Me:  Did you do all your homework?
#1:  Yes....except science, we're watching videos.  
Me:  What are they about?
.....WHY DID I ASK THAT?!?!?!?  I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE ABOUT!!!
#1:  Animals gone wild. 
Me:  Oh.
#1:  Yeah, it's pretty gross.  I mean, I missed the kangaroos having sex, but....
Me:  Kangaroos having sex?!!!?!?!  I don't even know how that would happen.  
#1:  Me either....I was on field trip that day, so I missed it.  
Me:  So you've missed the videos.
#1:  No, I watched the dolphins and the elephants....not together.  You know....dolphins having sex with dolphins and elephants having sex with elephants.
....at this point I'm thinking "please stop saying the word sex.  Please stop telling me you're watching animals.  Please.  Stop.  Talking.
Me:  Interesting.
#1:  Wanna know what's really interesting?  
....I'm thinking no....
Me:  Sure.
#1:  The male dolphin pushes the female dolphin up to the surface of the water so they can't get away.
Me:  So you watched male dolphins raping their victim.
#1:  Raping?  What's raping?
....why do I talk.....WHY DO I TALK!??!?!??!?!?!
Me:  It's where someone doesn't want to have sex with someone, but the someone pushes them to have sex anyway. It's very very bad.  VERY VERY BAD.
#1:  Wow.  Yeah, the dolphin is raping the other one.
....at this point I'm clutching the steering wheel like I'm about to die.  My knuckles are white and I'm pretty sure I'm sweating.  Did I seriously just teach my child about the term rape?!?!??!
Me:  Yeah, let's not go tell your teacher that I said that dolphins rape each other.  That could really be a detriment for your younger brothers when they have that class. 
#1:  The thing that was so gross were the elephants. 
.....I knew about this.  My friend had told me about the elephants.  At this point I'm about to vomit.  Would that stop this conversation....I can probably make myself vomit on command right now????
#1:  See....the male elephant has a massive penis.....
....I'll be honest, I didn't hear much more of this part of the conversation.  I am about to die.  My eyes are focused on the road, my hands are glued to the steering wheel and the only thing I can play in my mind is "massive elephant penis".....
#1: ....and the moms just drop their baby out.
Me:  Well.....
....awkward silence....
Me:  We didn't drop you like that.
#1:  Good.  I was hoping that's not how everything works. 
....oh my goodness I have no clue what he said, but I just told him it didn't work that way....I hope he meant dropping the elephant.
Me:  So....do you have any questions?
#1:  No.  I really think that I knew a lot from you and Dad talking to me.  It's just weird to hear who doesn't know about this stuff and we have to talk about it in class.  Well, we're at school.  Love you...have a great day!
Me:  Love you too honey.
.....and he walked into school....full of images in his brain...some that I can't get out of MY head and I didn't even see the videos.

I will say that I'm so glad the school goes over this.  This is in NO WAY a negative towards the school or the teacher.  I think it's great that they separate the boys and girls and I know that parents don't really talk about this kind of stuff.....but praise the Good Lord that this chapter is over....completely over....but there is no telling what we'll be discussing next year in science class in our life by numbers!

Basketball Brackets....The Love That Brings Our Family Together

"My bracket is toast"

"I can't believe MTSU won"

"Yale?  Really?  Yale?"

"Have you checked the bracket yet"

"What's our ranking"

....these are words that I never thought would come out of Hubby's mouth...or #1's mouth...or #3's mouth.  And the weirdest part is that #1 and I have a bracket together and we have done quite well and most of the time (except right now, cuz I just checked) we're ahead of them.  #1 and I strategically picked our NCAA picks.  I went something like this.....

"The H looks like it has razor blades on it and it can beat up Cal"

"A chicken can beat up a pea"

"Let's go for Yale....they look like the underdog"

....it was pretty much a scientific method for us.  And then we found out that #1 was filling out a bracket at school.....

#1:  I filled out a basketball bracket today!

Me:  You did?  You do you have winning?

#1:  Holy Cross!!!!

Me:  Holy Cross???

#1:  Yeah...I picked them cuz Jesus is on their team and Jesus never loses cuz He's holy. 

.....well, at least he put Jesus first in his bracket....I'm pretty confident most people didn't even think about Jesus....unless they were praying they win!  :) 

Soooo....we started soccer this week.  There's nothing like sitting out in 48 degrees in your comfy chairs wrapped up like it's about to snow.  At one point I just started praying that the time would speed up and nobody noticed.  I was absolutely miserable.  I love watching the boys play...but could we please have some nicer weather when we begin??  Heck, start soccer a month later.  And then today is was snowing....it's not time for soccer yet!  

Anyhoo...at the end of the game, there was a tie.  This is when I was like "oh my goodness we have to be out here longer for a tie breaker".  Then the ref left the field.  Wait.  What?  WHAT?!?!?!?  There's no tie breaker?  NO TIE BREAKER!?!??!  Somebody has GOT to win....that's how sports go.  SERIOUSLY WHY ARE PEOPLE LEAVING THE FIELD!?!?!?!?  So it was a tie.  And that's the end.  It's just a tie.  Just a stinkin' tie.

It's quite official that I've hit my midlife crisis.  Yes, that's me.  I thought I hit it a few years ago when I started looked at eye cream, but it must not have been a "good" crisis cuz I never followed through with everything. Well, I started using this stuff for my face and I kinda fell head over heels for it when my #s said....

#1:  You look like a zombie in the left picture

#2:  You got rid of those circles

#3:  You look brighter

....I'm going to assume that #3 means that I look smarter.....or angelic.  

I've also started The Daniel Plan with a group of fantastic women from our church.  I wasn't excited about it at first, but it's got me looking at labels and really thinking about my meals....and it doesn't hurt that I lost 9 1/2 pounds in the last three weeks by just changing the way I eat and making sure I'm getting those 10,000 steps in each day.  So, hopefully this is my official mid-life crisis....it's not near as expensive as it could be!  

Well, I gotta go watch basketball for the millionth time this last week.  It's funny how this sport has brought our entire family together to check brackets in our life by numbers!  

Worst Mother of the Year

The picture above shows a very sad #2 who is extremely disappointed in his dad and mom....or "father and mother" as he said this afternoon.  I know it's bad when he uses proper names like that....and it was bad.  He got out of the car and slowly walked up the driveway with his head down. Let's rewind to last week.....

Me:  Why are you crying?
#2:  Cuz when I was in the 2nd grade, you didn't go to Safety City OR the Hot Rods ballgame with me.
Me:  Honey...I was working last year and couldn't get off and Daddy was working at WKU and he was out of town both times.  
#2:  But he went with #1 and now he's going with #3 and he didn't go with me.  
Me:  But look at all we GET to go to....football games, basketball games, soccer games....and we get to go with you to things now.  If you have a field trip that we can go to, one of us will go!
#2:  It's not the same.  I loved both of those things and I didn't get to share them with you.
.....secretly, I was praying that he wouldn't mention that he's the middle kid.  We've done so much to make sure he's not left out, forgotten, tossed aside, or felt like the middle kid didn't get what the others got.

The guilt eventually went away and then came back in full force today.  Full force....fast and furious.

I see #2 running at Run Club.  I wave at him and he looks at me and then looks away.  I'm pretty sure that he doesn't say anything cuz he's in the moment....the moment of competition.  The moment of focus.  I don't think much of it until after Run Club.  He walks in front of me as he goes to get water from the water fountain as he says.....
#2:  Well, somebody forgot about coming to see me get my AR award today.  
....and then he gets water and walks off.  Thank you imaginary knife in my heart and brick wall that I just ran into.....
Me:  #2....I am SO SORRY!  I got the e-mail, but I forwarded it to Dad and I forgot to remind him.  I'm so sorry!
#2:  Just seems like nobody wants to be with me....the second child.  
.....seriously the knife is still turning in my heart.  I am mortified.  I am ticked at myself.  I am thankful that he didn't say the "middle child".

I called Hubby and he completely forgot.  The apology from Hubby didn't help either.  All the way home I tried to get #2 to laugh...to smile...to look at me.  I offered cheesecake.  I offered ice cream.  I got nothing.  He just sat in the seat and did his homework and didn't speak.  I was heartbroken.

We got home and you see how he walked up the driveway.....slow....with his head down....with no bounce in his step.  It was the saddest thing I'd seen today.  He took out the dog and then walked outside to shoot hoops.  #3 came out to play with him and I stayed out there.  Then I saw it.  I saw him smiling.  He was laughing.  He asked me to keep score and call fouls.  By the end, we were all smiling and laughing and having fun...and #2 was back to his competitive self and giving high fives and hugs.

Maybe I didn't win the "Worst Mother of the Year" award....maybe just the "You Disappointed Me Today Mom" award....it's just as heartbreaking, but it doesn't last an entire year.  Instead, you get a dash of sadness, pain in your heart, tears in your eyes, but eventually, you get a few high fives, hugs, books read to you, laughter, jokes, and a sweet "goodnight" hug and kiss as our day comes to a close in our life by numbers!

Dynamic Competitive Bacon

It's been a long time since the full moon blog....and I'm looking ahead to the solar and lunar eclipse this month and thinking "this girl is gonna need a spring break any time now".  I absolutely love my job, but these weird moons just freak out a teacher...that and "party" days.  Makes me want to lock myself up in a closet and play music until it all goes away and we get back to "normal" days...whatever that is.  

So I gotta tell you, I've started The Daniel Plan with a small group at church.  Have I told you lately that I love to eat?  I'm not really doing it to lose weight (though that would be a huge plus), but I'm doing it to feel better about myself.  I mean, I got some pretty active children and I want to be active with them.  I didn't really start The Daniel Plan off on the right foot when I ate Mexican food the first day, but I'm learning!  In fact, this week I've been pretty good.  No desserts, hardly any bread, lots of veggies and fruits, water, water, water....it's been great.  And I've only thought about an ice cold slice of cheesecake smothered in a warm peanut butter sauce once....every day...yes, at least once a day.  Not to shabby, huh?  I mean, "thinking" and "eating" are two different things.  

Well, let's get started with why you're here.....

#1

He played his last gig with the trombone this past weekend.  I took pictures and thought "only $235 more dollars and this useless trombone is ours".  I offered to take it back, but Hubby has some sentimental attachment to instruments as soon as they come in our house.  It's like he thinks we're all going to play these instruments again and if we sell them, we'll regret it.  I think "we'll be saving $235 and we can go ahead and get the next instrument that will sit in the corner for the next kid now and not have to pay as much".  As you can tell, we don't have the same sentimental feelings about instruments...or money.  I've been trying to tell #1 and his friend that they need to focus on the dynamic markings (how loud/soft they play).  This has been an ongoing battle for two weeks now.  I'm pretty resilient, so every time they argued with me, I argued back....and I'm pretty sure I showed my degree to them and reminded them that I do teach music for a living and I'm pretty sure I could run circles around them on the trombone even though I've only played it for one semester.  Apparently this only added fuel to the fire of them already not liking that I'm helping them....or as #1 would say "telling us how to play".  So yesterday at Solo and Ensemble, I listen at the door and as they come out.....

Me:  You all did very well!  What did the judge say?

Friend:  That we did very well!

#1:  And we paid attention to details and wore the same shirt!

Me:  AND!?!?!?!

....at this point, both heads lowered like two children that were in trouble and they knew they had been caught....

Both:  And we need to pay attention to the details of dynamics since there are only two of us....

Me:  Hmmmmmm...I wonder who has been trying to work with you all on the dynamics for the last two weeks?

Both:  You have....

......I'll take the score and write it in the books as a win!  I know I didn't listen to my parents when they were right about something and why should I expect any different?   Maybe I didn't win at all....#1 did change instruments and now plays the tuba....ANOTHER instrument I know nothing about.  

#2

We are officially finished with basketball.  It was a tough season, but when #2 says "you know mom, we haven't won any games, but I sure have had fun", you know he's doing it for the right reasons.  They did win one game...and came really close to another...but I'm just so glad that he had fun.  I will say that he was really leery about the two coaches on one team about cheating and being mean...and I gave him the huge lecture about how just because we hear something about them doesn't mean it's true, do your best, blah blah blah.....and then we played this team....AND HE WAS RIGHT!  I've already said how ridiculously competitive I am, but geez.....these people were over the top and I was livid.  I am pretty sure my blood pressure medicine stops working and Jesus just shakes His head at me when I'm at these games....and I'm a sure disappointment when I see this team playing and I am begging they lose big.  I mean, I have GOT to get my act together....it's little kids for goodness sakes.  

Anyhoo, #2 is tearing it up when it comes to reading.  He's always got a book in his hand....

Me:  I am so proud of you!

#2:  For what?

Me:  All this reading you're doing!  It makes me happy to see you enjoy reading a book.

#2:  Wanna know why I read so much?

Me:  Why?

#2:  I get a certificate....it's like a competition. 

.....so he's my kid....not only does he look like me, he also acts like me.  It's okay....competitive people are leaders, strong, go-getters....at least that's what I tell myself!  

So now we're going into soccer season.  A new sport.  A new coach.  A new team.  A new competitive nature.  I might need to be doubling up on some blood pressure medicine soon.  Why we wait for soccer season, we do something else competitive....learn how to blow bubbles with our gum!  

#3

This kid right here made...not a 100....but a 101/A on his spelling test!  He came to my room with the biggest smile on his face and MADE me take a picture right then and there cuz he didn't want to "lose the memory".  He is still so proud of that test!  I mean, isn't he a cutie!?!??!

He's also decided that he's going to run a store....well, he didn't decide that as much as his teacher is having the kiddos run a store.  #3 has been talking about this...well, it seems like forever.  He had to have the "right" product at the "right" price.  So he came up with "chocolate covered bacon".  Hubby and #3 made it last night and let me tell ya, it's pretty good!  He is so excited to "sell" this to his friends (they use fake money....they're learning economics).  THEN he got the bright idea to sell lottery tickets for a bag of bacon.  He had Hubby help him with the design of his tickets and cannot wait for the Friday of his week to do the store so he can draw the lucky winner.   I mean...this kid is going places.....chocolate covered bacon AND lottery tickets!?!?!?!?  AMAZING!!!!!

Hubby

Well...he turns 40 on the 15th of this month!  Yes, that's right folks....looks good, doesn't he!?!?  I told him I wanted to do something and he said "no....I don't need anything".  I'm pretty sure it's his introverted nature coming out.  So.....what should I do for an introvert that has pretty much all he needs/wants, is always thinking about others, is a perfectionist, musician, pastor.....(it rules out a lot of things I can do for him).....oh I know....already HAVE plans cuz I didn't plan something weeks/months ago.  I have GOT to be a better wife....but that's a whole other blog post.  

So I'm off.....going to dig my teeth into a piece of cheesecake....I mean apple....maybe.....depends on how life is in our life by numbers!