These are our friends. We love these three people with all of our heart. We support each other, we help each other, we laugh with each other...and then our friendship abruptly ended Monday when they decided to get this girl completely out of my comfort zone.
I'm not so sure it started in an innocent gesture that we all go do something on the last day of the summer that we could all get together before school started. H said she thought we would really enjoy seeing some beautiful waterfalls in Tennessee. "The #s would love it", she said. "It's a great adventure", she said. I should have known...but hey, we're friends, she would NEVER put me in a dangerous position, right?
So Sunday night she texts me things like "bring a change of clothes so you'll feel cleaner afterwards". Feel cleaner? FEEL cleaner? Just how dirty am I going to get on this little family outing? Does she realize that we have a 2 hour drive?!?!? I gotta be dirty for two entire hours!?!?!??!?
Then I get another text about bringing food and each kiddo wearing their own bag and don't forget lots of water in your backpack. You wanna know the first thing I thought? I BET THERE IS NO RESTROOM ON THIS TRIP!!!!!! Then I'm thinking...how in the world am I gonna pee after drinking this much water?!??!?! Once it goes in, it's gotta go out! I am in deep trouble and I'm wondering if our friendship would really be hurt if I miraculously can't attend this little outing.
Then...."see you at 6:30am"...wait. What? We are LEAVING at 6:30...IN THE MORNING!??!!? I am now taking applications for new family friends. In fact, maybe I just won't even find a new friend cuz look where it's gotten me.
The first thing is she sends me this text Monday morning...
Which part do I read first? Well of course the July 30th one since the word DANGER is in caps. Seriously...what has my friend gotten me into? Maybe it will rain. ::insert your mental image of me praying for a torrential downpour from here to Tennessee with no signs of letting up until Tuesday::
Of course, we are late to meet them...so we meet them at 6:50am. The #s are so excited. Hubby is excited and getting lunch together. I'm looking out the window for rain. Not even a cloud in sight. Nice. Real nice.
On the way to this place of mystery, there are enough curves in the road to make one sick. To top it off, if you look to the right, there are also cliffs and water. I am in a full blown panic attack. Seriously. I am trying to laugh, but there are tears in my eyes. My family is now completely worried about me. I'm telling Hubby to drive slower. Just because it says 55 does not mean you have to go that fast. I'm yelling at #2 to close his eyes cuz he gets car sick. I'm yelling at #1 to stop talking. I'm yelling at #3 that I'm fine. I'm yelling at Hubby to slow down. I'm never going to make this trip. And I don't care how long it takes us to go back home, we're using a road that I can look to the left and right and there are no cliffs...no water...just flat land and buildings.
We finally get to this place and there are hardly any cars around which is nice cuz it means that it won't be crowded...or maybe everybody knows what this trip is like and they are staying away. I tell the #s to use the restroom and my friend comes out of the restroom and says there is no toilet paper. WHAT!?!?!?!?!? NO TOILET PAPER!?!??! That kinda needs to be there. So we use wet wipes. I haven't used wet wipes in a long time...but to be honest, that's a nice, weirdly refreshing feeling.
We get some cute family pictures and we are off...I should have known something was up when I see these signs at the entrance....
I'm thinking this isn't too bad...it's all flat...we'll be fine. The trees make for nice shade on this hot day and we are laughing and talking. So we get to this sign that says something like "waterfall overlook or shortcut". Well....duh, right? No, apparently we're taking the waterfall overlook. That's fine and dandy and all, but...IT WAS A SHORTCUT! What in the world are we thinking?
We get to the waterfall overlook and it's gorgeous...but there is a fence...SO YOU DON'T FALL! I am telling the boys...
Don't look down!
Don't touch the fence!
Don't lean on the fence!
The fence is shaking!
Get back up here and hold my hand!
Hubby stop getting pictures!
Listen. To. Me!!!!
....and then we continue on our trail. I'm surprised that we're still on flat land. It's amazing to me that they've made it this semi-easy to get down a mountain. YAY for my friends!!! This isn't so bad after all!!!!
And then it happens. We could turn back and disappoint the #s or we can go down the mountain. Straight. Down. The. Mountain. It's muddy because of the rain from days before. It's narrow. There's no rail. My stomach is turning. I look to the left and see a cliff. If I fall, I will die. I am giving the #s the "if you don't hold my hand the entire way, you will die from falling off this mountain and then I'm going to be very mad at you" speech. My blood pressure in high. My hands are sweating. Business mode has set in...it's all or nothing.
There's not much talking during this time. #3 stops every once and a while because his legs are hurting him and sometimes under his breath he says "I am scared to death". I tell him I'm right here with him...also scared to death (which, yes, I do leave out of coming out of my mouth).
I see a rail...
Me: Oh look! A rail to hold onto!
H: Makes you wonder what happened here to put a rail up.
....seriously. SERIOUSLY!?!?!!?!?
We finally make it to the end. The end of the mountain. Now we gotta hike to the waterfalls. Don't you think that we should end at the mountain and the waterfalls should just be there?!?! I mean, I've hiked till I'm scared to death and now there is MORE!?!??!?
At this point, I have to put my feet in water. Unknown, brown, fish swimming, freezing cold, germ infested water. We are walking through this water and all I am thinking of is how I will need to scrub under my toes when I get home. At this point, I wish my toenails did that thing on the commercial for people with toe fungus....you know, lift up like a the hood of a car and then I can scrub those germs away. Within 10 minutes, #1 has fallen into the water...and he smells absolutely awful. He's fine, but he smells. We are now walking through water that goes up to my knees, slipping on rocks because of the slim on them, and trying to figure out the best path to go.
The children are hungry so we stop on a rock to eat. Thank goodness that H brought hand sanitizer!!!! We lather up in that stuff and eat our sandwiches. I probably could have bathed right then in hand sanitizer. I can see the morale getting better within our group. We are laughing. We are resting. We are taking silly pictures with duck lip chips....
...this might not be so bad after all. Let's get to this waterfall!!!!
After many more rocks to climb, #1 falling again into the water, #2 falling into the water, #3 begging to wear his life jacket even though it feels like a million degrees outside, we are finally here...and man is it beautiful...
H: Are you ready to get in the water and swim to the waterfalls?
Stop. Wait. Hold the phone. Pause. WHAT!?!??! I gotta swim? To get there? I see it. It's pretty, but I ain't swimming. But the #s are ready. At this point, the children have their life jackets on and are ready to go. I have to use one from the falls and when I lift it, I am smelling a smell unlike no other. Wait...I know this smell...it's the smell of someone who doesn't have a routine of using deodorant. Where is that smell coming from? There's no one close by enough for me to smell them. I start sniffing around. I sniff the numbers. I sniff me. I sniff the life jacket and that's when all the hairs out of my nose fell out. Are you KIDDING me!?!?! In this day and age, who doesn't know what deodorant is? AND...who doesn't know that when their deodorant isn't working that they need to find another one that does?!?!?!
My friend (yes, we're still calling her that) says "get in the water and you won't smell it". At this point I'm wondering if she's a friend that loves me or one that is waiting for the camera people to jump out just so she can say "GOTCHA"!
I put the life jacket on....slowly....carefully....holding my nose. I start walking in the water. There's no way I'm swimming. I can't. I won't.
And then it starts to rain. I am not joking when I write that I looked up at the sky and said "really...it's a little late now". That's how I know that God has a fabulous sense of humor. He didn't have it rain for very long, but it was a great hard rain...just like a prayed for...hours ago. His timing sure isn't mine...but I really think that it was a "here's your rain Kelley...stop your whining".
::And here's our therapy session for the day::
I can't get my head under the water. This did not just start today at the waterfalls, but has been something all my life. When I was little, I used to sit in the bathtub and have to wash my hair in the faucet by turning my head down. I always felt uneasy...nervous...scared. I have no clue why, but I did. Fast forward to me being 38 years old (I get to hold on to that age until August 12th) and I still have a problem with putting my head under water. I can't do it in the ocean. I'm not a fan of putting my head under in a pool...though to show off a handstand to the #s, I'll sacrifice. Even in the shower, I hurry and wash my hair and face first and then my head doesn't go under the water anymore. I can't just stand in the shower and let the water pour over my head. It unnerves me. I don't know why. I'm sure I need help.
::End of therapy::
Hubby takes the #s to the waterfalls. It's a beautiful picture of Hubby with our boys. I watch as the water cascades over the rocks. I watch as Hubby is holding the hands of our children. What a beautiful picture (that I didn't get cuz I don't have a waterproof phone case).
I watch as Hubby tries to get the #s to go down the slide of the waterfall. I watch as the #s don't want to go down because I see the panic in their faces. I watch as Hubby slides down and leaves the #s up on the rocks....WHAT!??!?!? WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE MY CHILDREN UP THERE?!?!?!?!??! Apparently, that's the only way they would come down is to see Hubby. I wasn't there, so I really don't know that full conversation, but let's just say this momma isn't happy that my children are left on some filthy, slick, germy rocks all alone. Finally, one by one, they each slide down. I'm watching saying "lean your head forward" like they're going to hear me. #2 and #3 slide down beautifully. #1 falls with less grace than a baby giraffe trying to walk for the first time...but he made it down nonetheless.
I never swam to the waterfalls. Never got my head wet. I went all the way in to my chest and then started panicking. H said "keep your feet moving so the fish don't start sucking at your legs"...I'm beginning she hangs around me because I have so many issues that I'm fun to torture?!?!?!
We eventually headed back as the children were showing signs of "I want to get out of here"....or maybe that's just me. The trip back seemed much shorter as we passed all the rocks and water. Maybe it was because we knew what we were doing and which path we were taking. #2 kept going faster and faster and I had to remind him that this isn't a competition on who makes it first, but rather who survives.
As we walked up the mountain, it seems more dangerous. Maybe because I was tired or possibly because the rain had changed the dirt to mud. As we climbed, I kept saying, stay to the left....STAY TO THE LEFT!!!! I know the protocol is "walk to the right", but when you're climbing a mountain that has a cliff on one side and no fence, you do what you can to survive...and that is stay to the left.
This time, we took the shortcut to go back to the car. We were all smiling and laughing when we saw the end....the sun through the trees up ahead. It was like the bright light at the end of the tunnel, but that it didn't mean death, it meant we survived!!!! And then....we stopped as we saw that we had a flat tire.
Are. You. Kidding. Me?????
Hubby and V are working hard at fixing the tire as I'm getting the #s to the men's restroom to change clothes...remember...to "feel" clean. They are patiently waiting for this dude to get out cuz apparently he's not just changing, he's making sure he looks good for his ride home and there comes a line of men behind my #s. Well, let me be honest, I'm not one to really care about what some people think about me when it comes to my #s, so since the men's restroom is wide open, I am standing in front of the door looking in. If my babies are gonna be in that restroom without Hubby, I am going to stand there and make sure no crazy person goes in there with them. Men are just looking at me like I am crazy, but I'm making small talk with them and I'm pretty sure one guy knows that if there's any funny business in there, I'm gonna take care of it. In fact, that guy got out of line and said he'll stop on the way home. You're not gonna mess with my babies. No sir.
The #s get changed and they head back to H as she watches the children as I get changed. I go in the women's restroom and I wonder why are women so incredibly filthy...do they not know how to use a restroom. But then I realize that I am by myself and I made it. I MADE IT!!! I put on my mismatched clothes and spray deodorant EVERYWHERE on my body and walk out. The tire is close to being full of air, we have found an auto parts store online for some fix-a-flat and now my full blown panic has set in....we have to drive 22 minutes to get to this store on a tire that may/may not make it.
::Insert second therapy session::
I hate to be in a vehicle. I don't like to drive and I don't like to ride. It makes it tough to get around to places that I can't walk to. When I was little, we were run off the road by a semi-truck. When I was teaching in TN, my tire wrapped around my wheel (remember that Firestone tire issue? We had them). I always would dream of a time where I could drive clouds in the air and be away from all the cars. I drive the speed limit. THE speed limit. I put my phone under my bag so it doesn't bother me...but it's close in case I need to call in an emergency. If I do have to talk or text, it's always voice activated so I really have no clue what I'm saying to people cuz we all know how accurate Siri is. So...as you can imagine, when I KNOW that something is wrong with a vehicle that I am in, I go into full blown "think of the worst thing that could ever happen to me" attack.
::End of therapy session::
We're leaving for the auto parts store and we see an ambulance driving into the parking lot of Cummins Falls...
Hubby: I'd hate to be the person that needs that right now...just think, we JUST have a tire that is flat.
...and that is why he's a pastor and I am the crazy one. He sees the good in everything...EVERYTHING. There are days I just wanna slap the good outta him so he'll understand my craziness. But I needed that. I needed the reminder that we don't have it bad and there are people out there that need much more help that I need. But I'm still having this panic attack whether he likes it or not.
So I freak out at every bump and noise for the next 22 minutes. And I'm telling him to drive slower and take the curves slower and for the #s to go to sleep. Wait....I only have two #s....DID I LOSE A KID?!?!?!!??!?!
Hubby: He's with V and H....he's fine and probably asleep.
...that's why I love him....so level headed and actually knows where the children are in my craziness.
We make it and Hubby and V go into the store. I am praying over this tire. That might seem odd to you but I am praying this works and that God gets us home and we will be fine. During this prayer time, Hubby and V decide that we can eat dinner here and then see if the air goes down any more in the tire. If so, there is a tire store right down the street.
HOLD THE PHONE...that is not a Discount Tire store. I get a free tire if I go to Discount Tire cuz I paid for that extra insurance. And of course, there is no Discount Tire store in this city. I might need a new tire, but I am also extremely cheap and would rather walk home anyway than pay for a tire that I could get free two hours away.
Wait...did they say we're going to eat here....like out in public?!?!? I have on shorts with paint all over them, a tank top that might be a tad bit small, shoes that don't match, and I smell like my life jacket no matter how much deodorant I sprayed all over myself and you want me to eat out...IN PUBLIC!?!?!? And to top it all off....they want to eat a Cici's Pizza....A BUFFET!?!?!?!?
::Therapy Session Number Three::
I am not a fan of buffets. I have seen people sneeze at a buffet. I have seen people cough at a buffet. I have seen people grab food with their hands and put it back at buffets. Those sneeze/cough guards are nothing but a hoax. They do nothing except show that there has been germs that splattered all over it and that's all they caught and the rest went straight to the food. I'm pretty sure I've done a lot today to overcome my fear of everything...and eating at a buffet has pretty much crossed the line.
::End of Session::
But the kiddos know and they are excited to eat there. I walk into the buffet and I eat. Like my friend (still using that term) H said "I must be really hungry when a Cici's salad tastes so good". The #s were eating like they were in pizza heaven. I ate. I didn't die. I didn't like it, but I didn't die. No, I'm not overcoming my fears, but I am eating to make sure I stay alive in case I have to walk and carry our car back to Kentucky due to my fear of vehicles and cheapness.
After eating, we decide to stop twice to check on the tire on the way home. Our friends stop with us...cuz they are good friends. We talk about that all the way home. Really Hubby talked about it cuz I wouldn't let him go the speed limit and he would look in the rear view mirror and say that they look frustrated cuz we're going so slow and that I need to let him go faster and he hopes they stay friends with us after this trip.
And after a full day of my family, a flat tire, driving slow, and many stops, you know what they wanted to do? Our friends wanted to get ice cream with us. So we stopped for ice cream....and laughed about our day....and talked about our adventures...and had a fabulous ending with friends (and I hope they will still call us that after our adventure). Though they are our friends, they keep talking about another adventure on a mountain in a steel cage...but apparently we have to wait cuz they are fixing the cage. My friends, if they are fixing the cage, that means that it has broken. Just how safe is a broken steel cage down the side of a mountain?!??!?! Just to let you know H is my friend, but she's a horrible salesperson when it comes to adventures.
All in all, it was a fabulous trip and a part of God's creation that I am so glad I got to see. As the water fell off the rocks, I got to watch and listen as the #s laughed and splashed and forgot about their anxiety of school about to start. As they swam around and had to chase their shoes in the water, I thought about how they'll remember this...a trip with fabulous friends seeing a creation from God that is breathtaking. I got to see #1 not picking at his fingers or blowing germs off his hands. I got to see #2 not make the climbing a competition, but to see him carefully plot how to get up and down a mountain without making it a race. I got to see #3 in a completely unknown territory and him not have a meltdown and that he let me know when he needed a break. I got to see Hubby with the #s get in the waterfalls. I got to see the boys look up to him and rely on him when they were scared. As you see, it was amazing for all of us!
We did something that I never in a million years thought we would enjoy as a family. And now we have a story...a story that got us all out of our comfort zone. A story that got us spending time with some fabulous, God loving friends. A story that will be remembered as a fun, exciting adventure. A story that will be in the books as one to remember in our life by numbers!
