Animals Gone Wild

So I've had lots of conversations about things I never thought I would with #1.  Science class has really left nothing to be desired in junior high.  I'm kind-of done with junior high science because it has caused me to have talks that I really think that a mom shouldn't have with her son.  The thing is, #1 likes to talk in the mornings and that's when these conversations usually happen.  I know, I know...."be glad that he talks to you"....and I AM....but my goodness science classes....go back to teaching about a solid, liquid and a gas....or even looking in a microscope.

See, it all began a few weeks ago when a mom stopped me and asked what I thought of them separating the boys from the girls in science class.  Of course, while she's talking, I'm thinking "I am a horrible mom cuz I have no clue why they're separating the boys and girls"...I hear the word "sex" and I don't worry much about it.  I mean, PRAISE THE LORD they are separating the boys and girls.  Can you even imagine having to teach that topic with both in there?!?!!?

I let days go by and then I remembered that she mentioned a packet.....
Me:  Hey.....are you doing a packet in science class?
#1:  Yes.  
Me:  May I see it please?
#1:  Why?  
Me:  Are you hiding something?
#1:  No....I just don't know why you want to see it.
Me:  Let me see your science packet.  
#1:  Fine.
......let me just tell you this right now.  We use the "proper" names of parts around here.  I grew up in a house that used the proper words, Hubby grew up in a house that used the proper words....but we don't walk around the house just throwing around "vagina", "penis", and "erection" in our everyday conversations.....which were the vocabulary words that I saw when I first looked at.
Me:  So, um....do you have any questions?
#1:  No. 
Me:  None?
#1:  Well.....
....at this point I am praying that God strike me down RIGHT NOW!  Open the earth and swallow me up.  Make the second coming come RIGHT NOW!  I can handle a fire.   I can handle a tornado.  I need an emergency.  Heck, I'll take a mouse.  I need God to do something. Now.  Right.  Now.
#1:  I'm a little embarrassed by all of this.  I mean, you and Daddy have been really honest with me about it, but talking about it in class and with some people that are totally immature makes me embarrassed.
.....of course, I'm thinking more about "he still called him Daddy and yet, I'm having to talk to him about sex.  Where is Hubby?  Why does this happen every time Hubby is out?  Maybe I should just have #1 start writing his questions down and I'll pick what I answer and let Hubby answer the rest?  Why can't there just be a manual on how to handle this....now....what was his question"....
Me:  Well honey, sometimes people don't get told by their parents about this kind of stuff and I'd rather them know from someone we trust rather than from the street corner.
#1:  FROM THE STREETS?!??!  Who would teach them on the streets?  People teach this stuff on the street corners?  Which corner?  I've never seen them!
....WHY DO I OPEN MY MOUTH!?!?!?!!
Me:  What I meant was people that don't know the real stuff.  
....of course, what I'm thinking is "YES THE STREETS"....but that's a different conversation...that I am MOST POSITIVE I'll have to have with him too!

The conversation ended and we were good.  I was pretty sure I've scarred him for life, but that's nothing new.  I'm pretty sure I scar him on a weekly basis.  I'm think it's part of my motherly duty.

So last night at life group, my friend asked if #1 had mentioned the videos called "Animals Gone Wild".  And I'm pretty sure that I can blame her for this the conversation this morning on the way to school....
Me:  Do you have all of your stuff for school?
#1:  Yes, I've got my purple folder and it's got all my work in it.  
Me:  Did you do all your homework?
#1:  Yes....except science, we're watching videos.  
Me:  What are they about?
.....WHY DID I ASK THAT?!?!?!?  I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE ABOUT!!!
#1:  Animals gone wild. 
Me:  Oh.
#1:  Yeah, it's pretty gross.  I mean, I missed the kangaroos having sex, but....
Me:  Kangaroos having sex?!!!?!?!  I don't even know how that would happen.  
#1:  Me either....I was on field trip that day, so I missed it.  
Me:  So you've missed the videos.
#1:  No, I watched the dolphins and the elephants....not together.  You know....dolphins having sex with dolphins and elephants having sex with elephants.
....at this point I'm thinking "please stop saying the word sex.  Please stop telling me you're watching animals.  Please.  Stop.  Talking.
Me:  Interesting.
#1:  Wanna know what's really interesting?  
....I'm thinking no....
Me:  Sure.
#1:  The male dolphin pushes the female dolphin up to the surface of the water so they can't get away.
Me:  So you watched male dolphins raping their victim.
#1:  Raping?  What's raping?
....why do I talk.....WHY DO I TALK!??!?!??!?!?!
Me:  It's where someone doesn't want to have sex with someone, but the someone pushes them to have sex anyway. It's very very bad.  VERY VERY BAD.
#1:  Wow.  Yeah, the dolphin is raping the other one.
....at this point I'm clutching the steering wheel like I'm about to die.  My knuckles are white and I'm pretty sure I'm sweating.  Did I seriously just teach my child about the term rape?!?!??!
Me:  Yeah, let's not go tell your teacher that I said that dolphins rape each other.  That could really be a detriment for your younger brothers when they have that class. 
#1:  The thing that was so gross were the elephants. 
.....I knew about this.  My friend had told me about the elephants.  At this point I'm about to vomit.  Would that stop this conversation....I can probably make myself vomit on command right now????
#1:  See....the male elephant has a massive penis.....
....I'll be honest, I didn't hear much more of this part of the conversation.  I am about to die.  My eyes are focused on the road, my hands are glued to the steering wheel and the only thing I can play in my mind is "massive elephant penis".....
#1: ....and the moms just drop their baby out.
Me:  Well.....
....awkward silence....
Me:  We didn't drop you like that.
#1:  Good.  I was hoping that's not how everything works. 
....oh my goodness I have no clue what he said, but I just told him it didn't work that way....I hope he meant dropping the elephant.
Me:  So....do you have any questions?
#1:  No.  I really think that I knew a lot from you and Dad talking to me.  It's just weird to hear who doesn't know about this stuff and we have to talk about it in class.  Well, we're at school.  Love you...have a great day!
Me:  Love you too honey.
.....and he walked into school....full of images in his brain...some that I can't get out of MY head and I didn't even see the videos.

I will say that I'm so glad the school goes over this.  This is in NO WAY a negative towards the school or the teacher.  I think it's great that they separate the boys and girls and I know that parents don't really talk about this kind of stuff.....but praise the Good Lord that this chapter is over....completely over....but there is no telling what we'll be discussing next year in science class in our life by numbers!