Saturday, October 22, 2016

Little NFL

Apparently I have signed my two children up for Little NFL.  No joke.  I was informed today during a regular scheduled game the Little Superbowl how serious I should take this game and not hold anything back when it comes to cheering for my team.  That includes, but is not limited to:

1.  Yelling at the coaches when they aren’t doing what you think they should be doing because, as you know, you are the World’s Greatest Coach in the Stands.  These comments can be anything from “Pick someone else to coach” to “Why are we doing this” to “Don’t holler at him Coach just grab the shotgun” to “Let’s teach them something different in practice” to “Step up coach are you afraid to do something”.  During these phrases, hitting your nearest Assistant-Stands Coach on the back is highly recommended.  Also, don’t forget to throw out some cuss words so that not only the fans can hear, but also the kiddos on the field.

2.  Screaming at the referees about how ridiculous their calls are because on top of you being the World’s Greatest Stands Coach, you are also a professional referee that can obviously see the game better in the stands than the referees that are actually in the game…on the field…standing with the kiddos…the ones that could actually get hurt too because they are so close.

3.  Raising your voice so the kiddos can hear the terms “break their arms”, “break their necks” and “if they do that play, at least hit them hard so you can get something out of it”.  Also “Kids are gonna cheat” is a fan favorite as you know how sneaky those pesky 8-10 year olds can be as they are being paid millions of dollars to wear helmets that make them look like bobbleheads and uniforms that don’t exactly fit them like a glove.  We can’t let those children cheat in a game where some don’t even know if they are on the home or away team. 

4.  One also needs to realize that yelling out plays that make absolutely no sense is a positive move since maybe it will help the team.  Things like “We just need one more touchdown” even though the score is 87-22 and there are only 52 seconds left might actually work.  Time might be added to the clock or maybe the field will swallow up the other team’s goal so that everybody will just have to score on one side of the field.  “Do that play again” is a phrase that would be good if your team just scored a touchdown and you got possession of the ball again.  This is NOT a good phrase if your team just intercepted the ball.  If you scream that phrase, you are actually saying that you want the other team to intercept the ball.  Be very careful about your phrases…remember…you ARE the World’s Greatest Coach in the Stands.

5.  And at the end of the game, don’t forget to go out with a bang.  That could include yelling phrases such as “the coaches are preparing us each week to lose”, stomping down the bleachers, cussing, or even getting kicked out of the game.  Ending with a bang helps others to know that you are serious about this game and they should be too.

So before you sign your children up for a sport, you need to make sure that you can follow these 5 simple rules…rules that make these games so exciting...rules that make the game.  Because everybody knows that THESE rules that are posted weren’t made to actually be followed...
…because if we all followed these rules, life wouldn't have been so exciting today in Our Life by Numbers. 

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Steppin' Up on My Soapbox....

Well...I've kept quiet long enough.  I know I said I wasn't going to write about this, but it's time.  It's time to give my own spin on something that I am tired of seeing on tv, on my phone alerts, and on the internet.  Yes, friends...if you stay my friend after this post...I'm talking about the election.

(GASP)

We've got two people and one of those crazies is gonna be our next president.  And let's face it, they are their own slice of crazy.  I mean, you can pretty much throw moral and ethics out the window with either candidate.  You can't tell me that morally and/or ethically one is better than the other.  One says they can grab women and the other deletes e-mails.  One talks bad about people who are going to vote for the other candidate and the other has a temper hotter than fire itself.  They both talk horribly about each other and how bad the other one will be as president...and neither one can give a straight answer about what they can do when asked.  The debates are worse than when my kiddos argue...at least at our house, they can go to separate rooms, eventually apologize, and are playing nicely afterwards.

It's ridiculous friends...but we've come down to this.  Seriously...one of these people will be our next president.

And let's start talking about how these two people have made us crazy.  Absolutely insane.  I have read the most demeaning posts degrading people who want to vote for one side or the other.  ARE WE SERIOUS!?!?!?  When did we decide that having an opinion was worth ending friendships, talking disgustingly to AND about each other, and showing that if you don't believe me, then you are an idiot?  Are we at the point in our lives that we have the freedom of speech, but that's just really something we say and don't mean?  Are we really okay with some of the hatred that has spewed out of our mouths to each other?  I mean, I know we're not voting for the top two candidates in America to be our president, but when did it become okay to not let people have an opinion?  And when they do have an opinion, to tear them apart limb from limb?

And you know what gets me?  The people that say "I'm a Republican so I'll always vote Republican" or "I'm a Democrat so I'll always vote Democrat".  Really?  Have you checked to see what "your" candidate is for/against?  What about voting for what's best for our country...or your state...or your city...or you?  Or what about not voting for what your parents vote for because that's what you think you have to do?

So let me tell you what we did with the kiddos after they were making fun of one candidate or another....we educated them.  We first sat down with each boy individually and went over a quiz about all of the issues.  It was AMAZING to see the results...and how don't make fun of the candidates on issues that they really didn't know much about anyway.  And the best, was when one of the kiddos took the quiz and it came up that he should vote for the other candidate.  Eye-opening, I tell ya.  

Now, if you have looked deeply into the issues...that's another story.  I'm proud of you (if that even means anything to you by now)....but lay off the horrible, disgusting, demeaning, yelling at other people who have a different opinion.  Because let me tell you, the "if you vote for _______ I will not be your friend anymore" comments is just about as childish as my kiddos fighting over three caramel apples...three kiddos fighting over three caramel apples.  Let that sink in...

And, last, but not least...the people that say they aren't going to vote.  UGH.  Voting is a privilege.  There are countries that don't GET to vote.  They are told who is in charge...or someone just picks themselves to be in charge.  And you're saying you're not going to take that privilege and vote for a President of the Unites States of America?!?!?!?  If you REALLY look, have ANY of our presidents been the most "moral, ethical, spiritual, absolutely goes with every one of our ideas" type of person?  If so, that's amazing, but I always find something that I disagree with in a candidate...I'm impressed if someone...especially one of these current candidates...meets all of your qualifications....because neither one of these candidates meets mine...and I'm not just talking about morally or ethically...I'm saying neither of the candidates meets what I want on the issues...the global, financial, educational issues.  Neither one of them line up point by point in what I want...so I have to vote for the one I think meets most of my issues...and even though I'm highly disappointed in both candidates, I am going to vote.

I mean, I'm not running for president...I can't even fathom what these candidates are going through as their lives are being run in the press.  If I was running for president, I could guarantee you that it would be fun to watch and a little drama here and there.  My kiddos would still be shopping at the thrift shop or getting hand-me-down clothes from my friends.  I would still have curly hair...but I would have my hair stylist live in the white house so I could have perfect, fluffy hair all of the time.  I would probably never have to set foot in a kitchen for 4 years and my kiddos would think that is an answered prayer from heaven (cuz I'm pretty sure their "chewy" pizza from tonight did not go over well).  And the big red button everybody talks about?  Well I can imagine about a 2-3 day time frame each month where all the countries would be on their best behavior.

Here's the deal, we try to teach our children to play nicely...stick up for themselves...work hard...respect others...follow your dreams...do the best you can at whatever you do...have fun.  And in our family, we teach our children about God.  So when our children ask about the presidential issues, we straight up tell them that God's got this.  Are we worried?  Why should we be?  No matter who the next president is...no matter what they do...no matter what happens...God is going to take care of them and knows the future.  And the funny thing...I talk about that all the time and nobody degrades me or tells me I'm stupid...but if I put my choice for one of these crazy candidates?  Well...let's just say it would be a different story in Our Life by Numbers!  ;)


Saturday, October 8, 2016

Fall Break Plans

#2:  I can't stand it...all of my friends are going on a fall break trip and we're not.  We're the only ones not going to the beach.  It's not fair.  

Me:  We've got some plans...

#2:  Not plans that I want to do.

Me:  Maybe not...it's really what you make of it.  Daddy has taken a few days off so we can be together as a family...that's the point of fall break.

#2:  Can't we be together as a family on the beach?

Me:  Yes!

#2:  Really?!?!??!

Me:  Yes, this summer we are going to the beach...as a family.

#2:  You're not funny.

Me:  Yes I am...you just don't know it yet.  
...yes, that's the conversation we had the Wednesday before fall break...and the Thursday before...and the Friday before...the Saturday of...the Sunday of...and I'm pretty sure we heard it the Monday of fall break.

So by Monday, I had to lay the hammer down...
Me:  I am sick of hearing about you not going to the beach.  What all did you do this past summer?

#2:  We went to Sanibel...

Me:  And?

#2:  Church camp.

Me:  And?

#2:  Basketball camp.

Me:  And?

#2:  Football camp.

Me:  And I teach kiddos at three schools and I guarantee that most of my students didn't go anywhere.  I have kiddos that worry how they'll eat dinner each day...so they're not going to the beach this week. I have kiddos that have parents that don't get to take off work for Fall Break so they stay by themselves.  I have kiddos that don't get to ever go on vacation.  We have families that we support at Christmas because their parents can't afford toys for their children.  You have got to stop comparing your life to others...but if you're going to continue to do that, you must think about the children that don't get things that you get.  

#2:  I'm so sorry Mommy.  I didn't know that some kids have it that bad and don't get to do things that I get to do.  I love you Mommy....thanks for all you do for me.
...this was our conversation.  He now has started talking about our beach trip this summer...and asked if we could bring some kiddos that have never seen the beach.

So we did a few things...on Monday we went to the church building and worked for seven hours.  I mean, do we know how to have fun or what?!?!?!?  It's so nice to have everything in order...and now people can go in there and find anything they need.  I mean, look how fabulous this looks....

We obviously owed a great deal to the #s after the cleaning day.  So we took them to the zoo on Tuesday.  They had a blast.  #1 got to collect a ton of stuff on his Pokemon game...I mean, almost every animal had their own PokeStop.  How do I know about this?  Duh...I play.  He had a blast telling us what he was getting and catching more Pokemon.  Hubby and I did this with him...until our phone died.  I mean, seriously, #1 has one of those charging cases and because of this game, I'm gonna have to get one.

After the zoo, we took the #s to The Melting Pot.  Yes, we took the #s to The Melting Pot.  #1 has wanted to go with us...and I'm all about spending time with him...especially since he's a teen and he still considers us cool...or rad...or tolerable.

We took the scenic route and decided to park and walk around downtown.  We got some cute pictures of the #s.  They got to see a man ask Hubby to take a picture with him and Elvis.  #3 turned around and saw "The Beer Man" ask people to sign his shirt.  We saw a man standing on a speaker on the corner preaching to everybody about how we're going to hell.  Just the walk to The Melting Pot was an eye opening field trip for the #s.

So here was our night out...

1.  I took #3 to the restroom...
     #3:  Where are the dryers for our hand?
     Me:  They don't have them.  
     #3:  What do I use?
     Me:  These towels.
     #3:  Mommy, these are called napkins.  You want me to dry my hands on a napkin?
     Me:  Yes, yes I do.
     #3:  Can they not afford dryers for your hands?
     Me:  This is going to be a long night.

2.  We get back to the waiting area and #2 has his shoes off...
     Me:  WHY do you have your shoes off?
     #2:  I thought we could...is that a no here?
     Me:  Put your shoes back on and don't take them off.

3.  We had two burners on our table...
     #s:  This is so cool!!!
     Me:  Don't touch the burners.
     #s:  Are they hot?
     Hubby:  They will be...don't touch them.
     (waitress puts napkins on the stove part...the #s just looked at us suspiciously)

4.  The table...
     #1:  I touched something that feels like rubber on the table.
     Hubby:  Well don't touch it.
     #1:  But I did...is it latex?
     (Hubby looks at it)
     Hubby:  No, it's not, but don't keep touching it.
     #1:  Can I lick it?

5.  They brought us the cheese...
     #3:  Where is the cheese dip?
     Waitress:  I'm making the cheese fondue.
     #3:  I don't want fondue...I want cheese dip.
     Me:  Same thing...just eat....sorry ma'am...they don't get out much.

6.  They put beer in the cheese dip fondue....
     #1:  OH MY GOODNESS!  We can't eat that, it's got beer in it. 
     Me:  It's fine honey, people cook with alcohol.
     #1:  Oh great...we'll all be drunk and we'll drive home...or we can't drive home...and we're  
            stuck.

7.  They brought us our meat and veggies...
     #2:  We have to cook our own meat?
     #3:  This tastes awful.
     #1:  My food fell off the stick.
     #3:  This chicken tastes weird.
     #2:  I don't like the pasta.
     #1:  I like this place.
     #3:  Oh yeah...thanks for bringing us.
     #2:   Yeah, the cheese was great.  

8.  They bring the dessert...
     #1:  That is the yin/yang symbol!  That is awesome!  I don't want to mess it up cuz it looks so    
            good.
     #2:  THIS ONE HAS PEANUT BUTTER IN IT!!!
     #3:  This is the best part!  This is delicious!  
     #2:  Can we come back just for dessert next time?


I will say that it was fun hearing the #s...but boy were they loud.  We must have told them 20+ times to turn down their volume...
#1:  We're just not fancy Mom...we're loud.  
...and to be honest, I wouldn't trade that for the world...but don't tell them or they'll be much louder!  ;)

The rest of the week was about walks down our neighborhood, playing outside, #3 going fishing with one of his best friends, doctor's appointments, and going out with our friends and walking downtown to get Pokemon and riding scooters!  And even though we didn't grant #2's wish, he has done a lot of snuggling with me and told me that he's had a great time this week since Mommy and Daddy were home with all of us...and has asked about planning that beach trip for this summer.  I absolutely LOVE our life by numbers!