Little NFL

Apparently I have signed my two children up for Little NFL.  No joke.  I was informed today during a regular scheduled game the Little Superbowl how serious I should take this game and not hold anything back when it comes to cheering for my team.  That includes, but is not limited to:

1.  Yelling at the coaches when they aren’t doing what you think they should be doing because, as you know, you are the World’s Greatest Coach in the Stands.  These comments can be anything from “Pick someone else to coach” to “Why are we doing this” to “Don’t holler at him Coach just grab the shotgun” to “Let’s teach them something different in practice” to “Step up coach are you afraid to do something”.  During these phrases, hitting your nearest Assistant-Stands Coach on the back is highly recommended.  Also, don’t forget to throw out some cuss words so that not only the fans can hear, but also the kiddos on the field.

2.  Screaming at the referees about how ridiculous their calls are because on top of you being the World’s Greatest Stands Coach, you are also a professional referee that can obviously see the game better in the stands than the referees that are actually in the game…on the field…standing with the kiddos…the ones that could actually get hurt too because they are so close.

3.  Raising your voice so the kiddos can hear the terms “break their arms”, “break their necks” and “if they do that play, at least hit them hard so you can get something out of it”.  Also “Kids are gonna cheat” is a fan favorite as you know how sneaky those pesky 8-10 year olds can be as they are being paid millions of dollars to wear helmets that make them look like bobbleheads and uniforms that don’t exactly fit them like a glove.  We can’t let those children cheat in a game where some don’t even know if they are on the home or away team. 

4.  One also needs to realize that yelling out plays that make absolutely no sense is a positive move since maybe it will help the team.  Things like “We just need one more touchdown” even though the score is 87-22 and there are only 52 seconds left might actually work.  Time might be added to the clock or maybe the field will swallow up the other team’s goal so that everybody will just have to score on one side of the field.  “Do that play again” is a phrase that would be good if your team just scored a touchdown and you got possession of the ball again.  This is NOT a good phrase if your team just intercepted the ball.  If you scream that phrase, you are actually saying that you want the other team to intercept the ball.  Be very careful about your phrases…remember…you ARE the World’s Greatest Coach in the Stands.

5.  And at the end of the game, don’t forget to go out with a bang.  That could include yelling phrases such as “the coaches are preparing us each week to lose”, stomping down the bleachers, cussing, or even getting kicked out of the game.  Ending with a bang helps others to know that you are serious about this game and they should be too.

So before you sign your children up for a sport, you need to make sure that you can follow these 5 simple rules…rules that make these games so exciting...rules that make the game.  Because everybody knows that THESE rules that are posted weren’t made to actually be followed...

…because if we all followed these rules, life wouldn't have been so exciting today in Our Life by Numbers.