Mornings

I want you to imagine what our house is like as we get ready for school in the morning....every morning....every morning all year long.....

5:40am:  A noise like a bullhorn is screaming from the table beside me.  I fish around for my phone which makes this bullhorn noise.  I find the blue button and push it.  I've had my phone for a while, but I still don't know what exactly the blue words say, I'm going to assume it says "snooze", but I'm never awake enough to read it...but I know that if I push the words, the pounding sound will go away...for the next ten minutes.

5:50am:  The pounding comes back.  I push the blue button again and end up opening the phone.  The brightness blinds my eyes, but I adjust quickly because I know now that I have exactly an hour to walk out of the door to take #1 to school.

5:52am:  I throw my foot out from under the heated blanket.  It's gonna be a cold morning.  I'm not ready for it....but I have 58 minutes left.  Goodbye heated blanket....I promise I'll be in bed earlier tonight so I can spend more time with you.....I know, it's an empty promise.

5:55am:  Shower time....my feet are freezing.  I look around the tub and I see what looks to be ten bottles all over the tub.  Why are there so many bottles!?!?!?  And why are there so many of the same bottles?  And why are they upside down?  I start picking up bottles....they are heavy.  I open the tops and freezing cold water comes out of them.  Nice.  I realize I don't have time for this so I look through my three different shampoos and pick the one to use for the morning.

6:20am:  Yes.....I take a 25 minute shower....and a warm shower at that.  I don't like cold, but I can't handle hot water...so lukewarm water it is.  Hubby has brought me a towel...how sweet is that?  He brings me one every morning.  I'm pretty sure he does this now because I used to say "HUBBYYYYY.......I NEED A TOWELLLLLLLLL" every morning.....I think bringing me one before I start yelling is much easier on him.

6:22am:  I'm getting ready and then #1 jumps in the shower.  #2 is now rushing around getting dressed, getting toothbrushes ready, putting on deodorant, and then starts playing basketball.  I'm pretty sure that's our fault since we have a basketball on the front door.  But #2 loves to play and will get ready so fast just so he has time to play.  And then we have #3......

#3 might be THE slowest person to ever get ready.  First of all, this kid is still eating even after #2 is playing basketball.  I don't know how difficult it is to eat a poptart or oatmeal or cereal, but it takes him forever.  I mean, we don't have the tv on or anything.....he is literally eating in silence.  Complete silence.

Then he sneaks up and gives me a hug and screams "RULE NUMBER ONE.....CHECK".  Yes, apparently hugging me is a rule that he made up a few years ago.  He does this every morning and I really don't know why....but I'm so glad that at least I'm rule number one and not number five!  :)

After he sneaks up on me, he goes back to breakfast.  Not kidding.  Do his teeth just not chew the food to make it swallowable?  Can his throat just not handle a normal amount of food to go down to his stomach?  He is the child that actually shakes the food down to his toes and he's secretly eating four times the amount of food we give him?  Is he hiding food?  WHAT TAKES HIM 40  MINUTES TO EAT!?!??!?!?

Next thing I know, #3 comes into the bathroom and he starts playing with a sword.  He's waving this sword around like he fencing with a ghost.  Seriously child, you are still in your underwear and we are trying to leave.  After numerous times to get his attention, he throws the sword into his imaginary friend, wins the battle and heads to pee.

During this pee break, he wants to carry on a conversation with me.....as I'm flossing and brushing my teeth.  Sometimes this conversation is about a dream he had, sometimes it's about who he was fighting with the sword, sometimes it's about why he thinks his pee is more yellow in the morning, sometimes it's about something that happened four years ago, and sometimes it's absolute gibberish.

Then #3 proceeds to leap to the guest bathroom so he can brush his teeth.  He used to just suck on the toothbrush, so Hubby told him that the toothpaste should not come out of his mouth as a toothpaste clump.....so #3 started brushing those teeth a whole lot better.  We also decided to buy him one of those overpriced toothbrushes that light up so he knows when to start and stop brushing.  You know the ones....they cost anywhere from $3.49 and up and I'm sure it will stop lighting up after three weeks.  Anyhoo....now he brushes his teeth until it gets to the orange light and then he'll just suck on the toothbrush and move the handle around so he looks like he's brushing.  You ain't foolin' me kid....but I'm not fighting that battle right now....at least the toothpaste doesn't come out in clumps.
After #3 brushes his teeth, he goes into our room because he shares a closet with Hubby.

Now we are at the point where I'm trying to get dressed and rush #1 who says he's ready, but really he doesn't have socks on, doesn't have his phone, and can't find a shoe.  We're also at the point of our morning where #1 decides he'd like to know the the schedule starting at 3pm.  As #1 is finding his stuff and asking a ton of questions, we still hear the thud of the basketball going on in the hallway.  I'm sure at this point, four out of five mornings, I say something like "if you bounce that ball one more time while I'm trying to talk to your brothers, I am going to grab that ball and throw it away and you'll be grounded for the rest of your life from playing ball".  I didn't say I had a lot of sense in the morning....that usually comes around 7:30am for me.

Between #1 asking questions and #2 playing basketball, #3 has decided to join in the fun by yelling "DADDDDDYYYYYYYY" over and over like he needs some help.  He doesn't need help.  In fact, he is lying in our bed, under the covers and he's waiting for Hubby to help him find his clothes for the day.  I don't know how Hubby got this great job, but he's been doing it for a while now.  The thing is, if #3 doesn't like it, he won't wear it, so I really think that #3 just wants to stay in bed while a servant comes to show him clothes and #3 will decide from there.  Today he wore athletic pants with a strip down the sides with a plaid shirt.  See....it doesn't matter that Hubby is there to help him match, #3 is still picking out his own clothes.

6:52am:  Yes, we are two minutes late.  I am grabbing my lunch from the counter....cuz my Hubby is so sweet to make it for me every day....and I'm yelling things like:
"Don't be in the gym when I get to school this afternoon"
"Are you not going to give me a hug"
"Don't forget your backpack"
"I love you"
"Put your lunchbox in your backpack"
"We have (insert what we have to do that afternoon) so don't make us late"
"Do not pout because I told you to put the ball up....what if I die today....don't you think you should tell me you love me".....I didn't say I was proud of everything I say, this is just what comes out.

6:55am:  We are in the car backing up in the driveway to leave and waving at whoever is still at the house....sometimes I have all the #s so we're all waving at Hubby and sometimes it's just #1 and me.

6:56am:  Someone is praying.  Yeah, we have to pray to get through our day.  Sometimes the prayers sound like:
"Please let today go fast cuz I want to be home"
"Thanks for the morning, but can it come a little later"
"Thank you for the sun, but it's in my face"
"Please be with the people I see cuz they need Jesus"
......and then #s pray too!  :)



And to top the day off, our nighttime routine is pretty much the same every night too:
8:45pm:  It's time to get ready for bed.
9pm:  Crap.....we're not in bed.
9:03pm:  We're doing our Bible study with the #s.
9:10pm:  #2 wants to hold hands and pray and #1 doesn't like to hold hands so there's a huge fight about not knowing where #2's hands have been and #2 starts playing with his feet just to tick #1 off cuz he knows I'm going to make him hold hands just cuz he's made just a big deal about not holding #2's hand.
9:15pm:  Fight with #2 and #3 about going to their room to sleep.  Hubby gives them a piggy back ride and they are yelling "I love you Mommy....please let me sleep with you" as they go to their room.
9:20pm:  I set that alarm....waiting for the screaming blue words to wake me up the next morning in our life by numbers!