Hold It And Aim

Seriously...why in the world is there pee all around the toilet?  And I don't mean on the toilet...I seriously mean all around the outside of the toilet, down the sides of the toilet, and on the floor...there is even pee on the bathroom trash can...seriously...WHO IS PEEING ON THE FLOOR?!?!?!?

#2:  What is the matter?  What are you doing?

Me:  I am cleaning the toilet...AROUND THE TOILET!!!!

#3:  Why?

Me:  Because I live in a house full of males that cannot hit the toilet! 

#2:  I can hit the toilet.

As few minutes later...

Me:  Do you hold your penis?

#2/#3:  WHAT?!?!?!?!?

Me:  When you pee.  Do you hold it when you pee?

#2:  NO!

Me:  WHY NOT!?!?!  You all seriously touch it all the time to make sure it's there.  I'm constantly telling you that it doesn't just walk off.  If you can touch it all day long, I am RIGHT NOW giving you permission to hold it steady while you get the pee INSIDE the toilet.  

#3:  That's just wrong.

After the scrubbing of my hand and all the way up to my elbow, I decide to tackle the sink...

#2:  Why are you cleaning the sink?

Me:  Because there is toothpaste all over it.  I don't even know if you all even get the toothpaste on your toothbrush or if you just squirt it into the sink.  

Then I walk into #3's room.  Now, I told them all the way home that we have to clean the house because we have company coming this weekend.  So they have been prepared for this...

#3:  Do you mind if I move some things around in my room?

Me:  Sure

...why did I say sure?  Because I'm an idiot.  

Me:  Why is there furniture moved around....and why are there clothes on the floor and every stuffed animal on your bed?

#3:  You told me I could move things around.

Me:  I meant "you can move things around to make your room clean".

#3:  Well, #2 and I can't play basketball with the costume chest there...it gets in the way.

Me:  So smack dab in the middle of the floor looks better?

#3:  Well.....

Me:  And does your bed really need to house every stuffed animal?

#3:  There are five stuffed animals in the basket!!!!

Me:  And 132 on your bed....

#3:  Fine...I'll actually clean my room

#2:  I'm thinking #3 and we need to pick up the shoes to make the den look better too!

Me:  Good idea!  

So I just give up on this house.  I'm not cleaning toilets anymore...the sink at least smells good with the toothpaste...and I'll just let them rearrange their room however they want as long as it doesn't smell like anything has died in there.  I'm waving the white flag when it comes to motherhood...you win numbers...it's your world, I'm just living in our life by numbers!