Welcome to My SoapBox

I'm about to step on my soapbox people...cuz I am done...D-O-N-E with this time of year.  It's supposed to be a great time....a time where teachers and students are counting down the days, end of the year field trips are being planned, the last week of school is being looked at as a total fun week, and we clean out desks and lockers and get ready for a ton of fun in the sun!  This is a time where we put it together....the kiddos see how much they've grown.  They do projects.  They enjoy the outdoors.  Even though they are looking forward to summer break, they still love school.

But no....this is now the time of year where testing comes into play.  FIVE DAYS OF TESTING!!!!  Teachers stand in front of the class and read the directions in a monotonous tone as to not give any help to the children how the test should go.  Kiddos sit at their desks for a few hours with their pencils and they fill in bubbles or answer questions that they have to have a perfect paragraph for (yes...I just ended that sentence in a preposition).  Days where teachers walk around the room for a few hours and watch their kiddos take the test.  They're not allowed to help.  They're not allowed to answer questions.  They're not allowed to walk to a child that is struggling and say "you got it correct....keep going"!  They are having to be like drill sergeants watching the children and their every move.  They walk....and wait...and walk...and wait.  TIME!  And the kiddos close their booklets with a sigh of relieve.

Last year, I walked down the hallway and kiddos were crying...literally crying about these tests.  Tests that mean nothing to them.  Scores that come in the next school year when the children have already forgotten about this horrible time of year.  Teachers are crazy with anxiety because they wonder what will it mean for them....what will the district say? what will my principal say?  what do these test say about me?

And don't get me wrong...I know there's a need for accountability.  Teachers need to know where their students are....but have we come so far off he grid that we don't trust that our teachers can assess the kiddos?  Do we think that a group of people that make a booklet are more specialized than the ones actually teaching our children?  Do the people know more about my child than my child's teachers?  Do they know that one of my kiddos has so much anxiety during a test that he'll make himself sick?  Do they know that one of my kiddos might zip through a test just to end it faster so he can take a break from reading?  Do they know that one of my kiddos has to take breaks or the frustration will send him over the top?  NO!  Just his teachers know that...you know, the people that see him EVERY DAY.

I have two kiddos taking tests this year.  One in 7th grade and one in 3rd.  How in the world have I prepared my 3rd grader that last year was a time of learning and fun and this year is a world of learning and he better be getting it right on a test?!??!?!  I haven't.  I've told them that these tests are where he needs to do his best, but he doesn't need to fret over these.  This test means nothing.  This test is just for him to do his best.  He's still going to go on to the 4th grade even if he does poorly.  He's still going to be able to play sports.  He's still going to be loved by his family.  You know why I say this?  Cuz I think this testing sucks.  I mean, let's get real.  During the week of testing, we're told to make sure our child gets a good night rest and eats a healthy breakfast....if I'm a parent, then shouldn't I know that by now?  This is the time of year where my kiddos are so stressed and mornings are much harder on us because they're worried about sitting in a chair for hours.  My 9 year old needs recess...in fact, this kid of mine actually needs nap time because he goes so hard....he doesn't need to sit for an hour...or two...or three and take a test.

And my 7th grader?  Well he's already concerned about these tests because he feels that if he doesn't do his best, he'll disappoint his teachers. I KNOW the teachers he has....I KNOW they haven't told him that.  I KNOW that they love him.  I KNOW that they would not guilt my kiddo into doing his best.  But that's what testing has done to our children.  Made them workaholics...this is like their end of the year review....this kind of stress shouldn't happen with adults....and it SURELY shouldn't happen with our children.  We're making our kiddos little testing machines.  I want them to be creative human beings...let them spread their wings and fly a little....not staple wings to their backs and hold them while they go nowhere.

Testing comes in 2 1/2 weeks.  My #s are already asking about making sure we get to school on time and making sure they eat more than pop tarts or cereal....they want a hot breakfast.  Let me tell ya....we don't do that now and they're fine so I'm not going to mess with their mojo and give them something hot.  :-)  I love each and every teacher that my kiddos have.  I love that they put their heart and soul into my children.  I love how they teach them, how they love them, how they care about them.  I love that they are all committed teachers that teach for a purpose....to expand the minds of my children.  I pray that one day you can actually go back to teaching....teaching for the real reason you got into education...and not for a test!

and goes back to our life by numbers!

Took A Trip Down Memory Lane

Think about your childhood....what comes to mind?  Food you ate?  Games you played?  Places you visited?  Do certain smells or pictures trigger a flood of memories?  Do you remember certain TV shows or songs and it takes you back to "the good old days"?  This week was our family's spring break....and since there was no surprising them to any vacation resort, I made an executive decision to  take a trip down memory lane....
Me:  This spring break we are taking a trip!
#s:  YAHOOOOO!!!!!!  You're surprising us again with a trip!
Me:  Not just any trip....a trip down memory lane!
#1:  That doesn't sound like fun.
#2:  No, it doesn't.
#3:  Do we get to buy a stuffed animal?  Is it that kind of lane trip?
Me:  We are going to do things that I did as a kid.
#s:  OH NO!!!!!!!
....and sadly, they've been dreading this trip for the last two weeks.  In fact, spring break didn't look so good to them since I told them about my idea.  But the time came for the '70s, '80s, '90s spring break memory lane trip and I was so excited!

Sunday...
We started off just like I would have as a little girl.  We went to church (yes, we do that every Sunday anyway) and then stayed until the last people left.  We then went out to eat with some friends.  When I was little, we would always go to Quincy's (those big, fat yeast rolls).....but since I don't like buffets and that restaurant isn't even around, we opted to eat Mexican food.  We would have never done that when I was little.  It was Quincy's, KFC, and the occasional Luby's Cafeteria....so this was much better.  :)

Monday...was rockin'.....we cleaned.  Yes, I grew up in a household that cleaned.  We usually did that on Saturdays, but Monday was just fine.  I'm sure the #s were very excited that they got to do a household chore that I had to do growing up.  Spreadin' the love!

We did go outside.....electronic free for four hours.  Sad thing...I got zero pictures or I would have had my electronic.  We played games on the trampoline and had a blast.  We laughed so much while we made up games and just had fun.  Around hour three, we were a little tired, so we laid down on the trampoline and looked at the clouds.  Then we did what I used to do (and sometimes still do)....we made pictures and stories out of the clouds that were passing over us.  We had fun making up stories and finding dragons and dogs out of the clouds.....
#2:  When you were little, where did you lay down?
Me:  On the deck....on on the slide.
#3:  You didn't have a trampoline?
Me:  No.
#1:  Hummmm.....
.....and when we went back inside, we ate dinner with Hubby as a family.  Just a fun time getting the kids outside and having fun without a care in the world.

On Tuesday, we got up and got ready and headed to the mall.  I spent many a times at Cool Springs Galleria walking the mall with my friends.  This is what #1 wanted to do for his birthday so it worked out quite nicely for my "memory lane spring break".  We ended up going to Opry Mills and it was so nice to see the #s look at stuff, pick up things and put them back, check prices, realize that things are overpriced...and make a stuffed animal.  No, we wouldn't have done that as a kid, but #3 did ask about getting a stuffed animal.  We met my parents there to celebrate #1's birthday....which lead to eating out....which lead to a political conversation.  I mean, seriously folks, it's like I was in 9th grade again.  :)

Wednesday we too the #s to the movies.  I would meet my friends there at times.  We explained to the #s that prices never used to be this high and how ridiculous it was to really go see a movie anymore since they come out so quickly on DVD or iTunes.  Apparently a lot of my childhood was complaining about the price of things.  We did go to store and let them pick out a TV dinner....
#1:  So we just pick out what we want and we take it home?
Me:  Yes....after you pay for it.
#3:  And we put it in the microwave?
Me:  Yes.
#2:  And we eat in front of the tv?
Me:  Hence the name "TV Dinner".  

To start off our day on Thursday, I introduced the #s to a cereal called "Cracklin' Oat Bran".  Seriously folks, I've been eating this cereal since 4th grade....so....I can say I've been "regular" since 4th grade.  And you know what....they loved it.  WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?  I remember Mom and Dad going to get ready and we would sneak the sugar container out of the cabinet and pour sugar all over our cereal just to be able to swallow it.  I remember scraping the sugar from the bottom of the bowl and having that little bit of milk to be able to swallow it and not choke.  And what happens when I introduce this piece of yuckiness to my #s?  They end of loving it.  Of course they do.

We ended up having soccer practice which was fabulous!  We talked about how commitment to a team is being there for each other....not like I had to talk #2 into going to practice.  As he practiced, I walked a few miles.  This is something that I would do every day when I was little. I would walk around our neighborhood and say hi to friends and make sure I was home by dinner.  #1 and #3 played on the playground which was also what we would do at friend's homes.  We had another great time being outdoors and electronic free.  Don't get me wrong, I like having my electronics around, but sometimes it's good to just get away!

My favorite part was showing them what a TV dinner was.  You would have thought I was introducing them to something that had just been invented.  They were amazed that in one meal came pizza, corn and a brownie for #3 and corn dogs, fries, corn, and a brownie for #1 and #2.  They couldn't get over how short of a time it took to cook the meal.  And when I put their meal on the table in the den and turned on the TV, you would have thought they won the lottery.  And you know what shows I introduced them to?  Mama's Family and Family Matters.  They loved it.  We also had homemade chocolate chip cookies and milk....and they dunked their cookies in their milk and watched the cookies crumble in the milk....it was a night that I absolutely loved.  I had my all time TV dinner....Banquet Chicken Pot Pie.  I'm pretty sure I'm still drinking water to get rid of the salt intake, but it sure did bring back memories.

On Friday we did nothing.  I mean, nothing.  I'm pretty sure the #s were in their pajamas all day and nobody cared.  We didn't get a lot of those days growing up, but when we did, they were absolutely wonderful and we took full advantage of them....just like we did on Friday!

Saturday was a time of cleaning up.  The #s played outside while I worked on some boxes in the garage and Hubby started working on the front porch.  It was nice to hear the #s laughing outside as they played ball and jumped on the trampoline.

So today is our last day of spring break.  We started our day with our friends at church and then on the way home, we looked at houses that were for sale.  Funny....we did that a lot on Sunday afternoons when we were growing up.  We came home and ate pizza and introduced them to Gilligan's Island...another childhood favorite...and they couldn't believe it was in black and white!  Now we are getting last minute stuff ready for school this week....just like we did on Sunday afternoons growing up....

As the #s and I discussed this week of walking down memory lane, I realized that there are a lot of things that I want for my #s that I didn't get while growing up, but I also didn't have such a bad childhood.  I joke about only eating TV dinners, scrambled eggs and oatmeal, but I did love all those things and oatmeal takes me back to my childhood the second I start eating it.  I look back and see how hard mom and dad worked so I would get the things I needed and wanted....so I could do the things I wanted to do.  I see that I want to give them things that they want, but I want them to know that "things" aren't near as important as family.  I want them to remember the good times and not the times of anxiety and frustration.  But the best was when the #s started letting me what they thought about this week....
#3:  I like it.....I even liked the tv shows....even the one that was not in color.
#2:  I think we should have TV dinners more often...they are good.
#1:  You know....it wasn't so bad when you were a kid...I could do this spring break again.
....and friends, THAT is what you call a success in our life by numbers!

Happy Birthday #1!

This kid means the world to me!  Our firstborn....the one that we prayed for....for years!  He is a brilliant kid who loves to be funny, loves music, doesn't know how to make a bed correctly, loves to meet new friends, wants to come up with a latex alternative to everything, and is the biggest goofball ever.  I cannot imagine our family without him!

So today has been an odd day...it's the first birthday that we haven't had a party.  When did boys just decide that parties aren't "hip" anymore?  Last year he wanted one, but he said that none of his friends were having parties...so he wanted one more.  I think he was holding on to the last little bit that he could.  This year....he gave up on the party and decided that he wants to go shopping.

SHOPPING!?!??!?!  If you know Hubby or myself, we don't really shop.  I can't tell you the last time I shopped for clothes...unless I needed something specific.  #1 decided that he wants to go to Opry Mills and go shopping and eat at the Aquarium restaurant.  I'm not ready for this growing up stuff.

For the last month we've asked what he wants for his birthday....
#1:  I don't know.....I have everything I need.  I mean, Christmas was just a little while ago.
Me:  We need to know something.  What do you want to shop for at the mall?
#1:  Money.
Me:  You want to shop for money?!?!?!??!
#1:  No....I just want money for my birthday and I'll get whatever I want.
....and that's the end.  Is this where they grow up and I cry tears of sadness because they aren't babies anymore and tears of joy because it's the easiest birthday we've had since we've had #s?!?!?!

So we gave him money for shopping....

....yes, this was his reaction to cold hard cash to spend...well....cold hard "I'll swipe my card, but I'm keeping a tally with how much your spending" present.  I LOVE that we caught that facial expression!  And I'm really glad that he liked it!

Wanna know the thing that got me more than anything?!!?!?!  I gave him the username and password to his Facebook account.  I'm scared cuz a whole new world could open up for him.  I'm not stupid....I know that kiddos his age already have had accounts in Instagram, Facebook, twitter, etc. for a while now.  But to be able to give him the account just makes me know that he actually is growing up and I just need to get with the program.  Maybe I'm more upset that he'll be able to see everything I post now.....you know, maybe giving him an account isn't such a good idea after all.  :-)

So when we gave him his account...

.....and the weird thing is that he was more excited about that than the money!  :)  And let me tell ya, I've gone over more rules about his account than I ever thought I would....

"Don't click things like this"

"Don't like things like that"

"Some people are serious on Facebook...you can't put a 'ha ha' face on their post"

"I wear underwear is not an appropriate post...it's appropriate to do...but not to post"

"Yes, people post picture of their food....you don't have to make a comment"

"Stop waiting to see if people will approve your request to be friends"

"Don't write anything on Facebook or in a message that you want to be kept a secret"

"People post stupid stuff...you don't have to comment...just move on"

....maybe I should just post all these rules on Facebook?!?!?!  :)  So for the last 45 minutes, I've watched over his shoulder as I witnessed my little boy growing up....

#1 wanted to go to Red Lobster this year....where he ate snow crab legs for the first time.  He wasn't a fan, but he had fun learning how to eat them from Pa....

 ....but the blessing for me was that #1 still wanted a cake this year.  He asked for a shark.  He specifically asked for a shark head coming out of the water with his mouth open about to attack something (where do they get these ideas)....

...I did the best I could, but I loved his face in this picture.  I love the fact that he still wanted a cake.  Did he want it for me?  Probably....but I wouldn't trade that for the world.  There are little things in life that makes my #s seem so grown up to me.  And I know that once the time comes when they don't want a birthday cake, it will be the straw that send me over the edge.....cuz I like doing that just for them....no matter how crazy their ideas might be!

And last, but not least, we did the measurements yesterday and #1 had grown so much that he's officially taller than me.  What happened to the Lord coming before I had a teenager?  I'm pretty sure I've been saying, for years, that was going to happen.  But I am happy that I could spend today with my family and celebrate #1's birthday.  I love that kiddo.  I love his smile, his creativity, and his love for God.  Thank you Lord for blessing me with #1 in our life by numbers!

Animals Gone Wild

So I've had lots of conversations about things I never thought I would with #1.  Science class has really left nothing to be desired in junior high.  I'm kind-of done with junior high science because it has caused me to have talks that I really think that a mom shouldn't have with her son.  The thing is, #1 likes to talk in the mornings and that's when these conversations usually happen.  I know, I know...."be glad that he talks to you"....and I AM....but my goodness science classes....go back to teaching about a solid, liquid and a gas....or even looking in a microscope.

See, it all began a few weeks ago when a mom stopped me and asked what I thought of them separating the boys from the girls in science class.  Of course, while she's talking, I'm thinking "I am a horrible mom cuz I have no clue why they're separating the boys and girls"...I hear the word "sex" and I don't worry much about it.  I mean, PRAISE THE LORD they are separating the boys and girls.  Can you even imagine having to teach that topic with both in there?!?!!?

I let days go by and then I remembered that she mentioned a packet.....
Me:  Hey.....are you doing a packet in science class?
#1:  Yes.  
Me:  May I see it please?
#1:  Why?  
Me:  Are you hiding something?
#1:  No....I just don't know why you want to see it.
Me:  Let me see your science packet.  
#1:  Fine.
......let me just tell you this right now.  We use the "proper" names of parts around here.  I grew up in a house that used the proper words, Hubby grew up in a house that used the proper words....but we don't walk around the house just throwing around "vagina", "penis", and "erection" in our everyday conversations.....which were the vocabulary words that I saw when I first looked at.
Me:  So, um....do you have any questions?
#1:  No. 
Me:  None?
#1:  Well.....
....at this point I am praying that God strike me down RIGHT NOW!  Open the earth and swallow me up.  Make the second coming come RIGHT NOW!  I can handle a fire.   I can handle a tornado.  I need an emergency.  Heck, I'll take a mouse.  I need God to do something. Now.  Right.  Now.
#1:  I'm a little embarrassed by all of this.  I mean, you and Daddy have been really honest with me about it, but talking about it in class and with some people that are totally immature makes me embarrassed.
.....of course, I'm thinking more about "he still called him Daddy and yet, I'm having to talk to him about sex.  Where is Hubby?  Why does this happen every time Hubby is out?  Maybe I should just have #1 start writing his questions down and I'll pick what I answer and let Hubby answer the rest?  Why can't there just be a manual on how to handle this....now....what was his question"....
Me:  Well honey, sometimes people don't get told by their parents about this kind of stuff and I'd rather them know from someone we trust rather than from the street corner.
#1:  FROM THE STREETS?!??!  Who would teach them on the streets?  People teach this stuff on the street corners?  Which corner?  I've never seen them!
....WHY DO I OPEN MY MOUTH!?!?!?!!
Me:  What I meant was people that don't know the real stuff.  
....of course, what I'm thinking is "YES THE STREETS"....but that's a different conversation...that I am MOST POSITIVE I'll have to have with him too!

The conversation ended and we were good.  I was pretty sure I've scarred him for life, but that's nothing new.  I'm pretty sure I scar him on a weekly basis.  I'm think it's part of my motherly duty.

So last night at life group, my friend asked if #1 had mentioned the videos called "Animals Gone Wild".  And I'm pretty sure that I can blame her for this the conversation this morning on the way to school....
Me:  Do you have all of your stuff for school?
#1:  Yes, I've got my purple folder and it's got all my work in it.  
Me:  Did you do all your homework?
#1:  Yes....except science, we're watching videos.  
Me:  What are they about?
.....WHY DID I ASK THAT?!?!?!?  I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE ABOUT!!!
#1:  Animals gone wild. 
Me:  Oh.
#1:  Yeah, it's pretty gross.  I mean, I missed the kangaroos having sex, but....
Me:  Kangaroos having sex?!!!?!?!  I don't even know how that would happen.  
#1:  Me either....I was on field trip that day, so I missed it.  
Me:  So you've missed the videos.
#1:  No, I watched the dolphins and the elephants....not together.  You know....dolphins having sex with dolphins and elephants having sex with elephants.
....at this point I'm thinking "please stop saying the word sex.  Please stop telling me you're watching animals.  Please.  Stop.  Talking.
Me:  Interesting.
#1:  Wanna know what's really interesting?  
....I'm thinking no....
Me:  Sure.
#1:  The male dolphin pushes the female dolphin up to the surface of the water so they can't get away.
Me:  So you watched male dolphins raping their victim.
#1:  Raping?  What's raping?
....why do I talk.....WHY DO I TALK!??!?!??!?!?!
Me:  It's where someone doesn't want to have sex with someone, but the someone pushes them to have sex anyway. It's very very bad.  VERY VERY BAD.
#1:  Wow.  Yeah, the dolphin is raping the other one.
....at this point I'm clutching the steering wheel like I'm about to die.  My knuckles are white and I'm pretty sure I'm sweating.  Did I seriously just teach my child about the term rape?!?!??!
Me:  Yeah, let's not go tell your teacher that I said that dolphins rape each other.  That could really be a detriment for your younger brothers when they have that class. 
#1:  The thing that was so gross were the elephants. 
.....I knew about this.  My friend had told me about the elephants.  At this point I'm about to vomit.  Would that stop this conversation....I can probably make myself vomit on command right now????
#1:  See....the male elephant has a massive penis.....
....I'll be honest, I didn't hear much more of this part of the conversation.  I am about to die.  My eyes are focused on the road, my hands are glued to the steering wheel and the only thing I can play in my mind is "massive elephant penis".....
#1: ....and the moms just drop their baby out.
Me:  Well.....
....awkward silence....
Me:  We didn't drop you like that.
#1:  Good.  I was hoping that's not how everything works. 
....oh my goodness I have no clue what he said, but I just told him it didn't work that way....I hope he meant dropping the elephant.
Me:  So....do you have any questions?
#1:  No.  I really think that I knew a lot from you and Dad talking to me.  It's just weird to hear who doesn't know about this stuff and we have to talk about it in class.  Well, we're at school.  Love you...have a great day!
Me:  Love you too honey.
.....and he walked into school....full of images in his brain...some that I can't get out of MY head and I didn't even see the videos.

I will say that I'm so glad the school goes over this.  This is in NO WAY a negative towards the school or the teacher.  I think it's great that they separate the boys and girls and I know that parents don't really talk about this kind of stuff.....but praise the Good Lord that this chapter is over....completely over....but there is no telling what we'll be discussing next year in science class in our life by numbers!

Basketball Brackets....The Love That Brings Our Family Together

"My bracket is toast"

"I can't believe MTSU won"

"Yale?  Really?  Yale?"

"Have you checked the bracket yet"

"What's our ranking"

....these are words that I never thought would come out of Hubby's mouth...or #1's mouth...or #3's mouth.  And the weirdest part is that #1 and I have a bracket together and we have done quite well and most of the time (except right now, cuz I just checked) we're ahead of them.  #1 and I strategically picked our NCAA picks.  I went something like this.....

"The H looks like it has razor blades on it and it can beat up Cal"

"A chicken can beat up a pea"

"Let's go for Yale....they look like the underdog"

....it was pretty much a scientific method for us.  And then we found out that #1 was filling out a bracket at school.....

#1:  I filled out a basketball bracket today!

Me:  You did?  You do you have winning?

#1:  Holy Cross!!!!

Me:  Holy Cross???

#1:  Yeah...I picked them cuz Jesus is on their team and Jesus never loses cuz He's holy. 

.....well, at least he put Jesus first in his bracket....I'm pretty confident most people didn't even think about Jesus....unless they were praying they win!  :) 

Soooo....we started soccer this week.  There's nothing like sitting out in 48 degrees in your comfy chairs wrapped up like it's about to snow.  At one point I just started praying that the time would speed up and nobody noticed.  I was absolutely miserable.  I love watching the boys play...but could we please have some nicer weather when we begin??  Heck, start soccer a month later.  And then today is was snowing....it's not time for soccer yet!  

Anyhoo...at the end of the game, there was a tie.  This is when I was like "oh my goodness we have to be out here longer for a tie breaker".  Then the ref left the field.  Wait.  What?  WHAT?!?!?!?  There's no tie breaker?  NO TIE BREAKER!?!??!  Somebody has GOT to win....that's how sports go.  SERIOUSLY WHY ARE PEOPLE LEAVING THE FIELD!?!?!?!?  So it was a tie.  And that's the end.  It's just a tie.  Just a stinkin' tie.

It's quite official that I've hit my midlife crisis.  Yes, that's me.  I thought I hit it a few years ago when I started looked at eye cream, but it must not have been a "good" crisis cuz I never followed through with everything. Well, I started using this stuff for my face and I kinda fell head over heels for it when my #s said....

#1:  You look like a zombie in the left picture

#2:  You got rid of those circles

#3:  You look brighter

....I'm going to assume that #3 means that I look smarter.....or angelic.  

I've also started The Daniel Plan with a group of fantastic women from our church.  I wasn't excited about it at first, but it's got me looking at labels and really thinking about my meals....and it doesn't hurt that I lost 9 1/2 pounds in the last three weeks by just changing the way I eat and making sure I'm getting those 10,000 steps in each day.  So, hopefully this is my official mid-life crisis....it's not near as expensive as it could be!  

Well, I gotta go watch basketball for the millionth time this last week.  It's funny how this sport has brought our entire family together to check brackets in our life by numbers!  

Worst Mother of the Year

The picture above shows a very sad #2 who is extremely disappointed in his dad and mom....or "father and mother" as he said this afternoon.  I know it's bad when he uses proper names like that....and it was bad.  He got out of the car and slowly walked up the driveway with his head down. Let's rewind to last week.....

Me:  Why are you crying?
#2:  Cuz when I was in the 2nd grade, you didn't go to Safety City OR the Hot Rods ballgame with me.
Me:  Honey...I was working last year and couldn't get off and Daddy was working at WKU and he was out of town both times.  
#2:  But he went with #1 and now he's going with #3 and he didn't go with me.  
Me:  But look at all we GET to go to....football games, basketball games, soccer games....and we get to go with you to things now.  If you have a field trip that we can go to, one of us will go!
#2:  It's not the same.  I loved both of those things and I didn't get to share them with you.
.....secretly, I was praying that he wouldn't mention that he's the middle kid.  We've done so much to make sure he's not left out, forgotten, tossed aside, or felt like the middle kid didn't get what the others got.

The guilt eventually went away and then came back in full force today.  Full force....fast and furious.

I see #2 running at Run Club.  I wave at him and he looks at me and then looks away.  I'm pretty sure that he doesn't say anything cuz he's in the moment....the moment of competition.  The moment of focus.  I don't think much of it until after Run Club.  He walks in front of me as he goes to get water from the water fountain as he says.....
#2:  Well, somebody forgot about coming to see me get my AR award today.  
....and then he gets water and walks off.  Thank you imaginary knife in my heart and brick wall that I just ran into.....
Me:  #2....I am SO SORRY!  I got the e-mail, but I forwarded it to Dad and I forgot to remind him.  I'm so sorry!
#2:  Just seems like nobody wants to be with me....the second child.  
.....seriously the knife is still turning in my heart.  I am mortified.  I am ticked at myself.  I am thankful that he didn't say the "middle child".

I called Hubby and he completely forgot.  The apology from Hubby didn't help either.  All the way home I tried to get #2 to laugh...to smile...to look at me.  I offered cheesecake.  I offered ice cream.  I got nothing.  He just sat in the seat and did his homework and didn't speak.  I was heartbroken.

We got home and you see how he walked up the driveway.....slow....with his head down....with no bounce in his step.  It was the saddest thing I'd seen today.  He took out the dog and then walked outside to shoot hoops.  #3 came out to play with him and I stayed out there.  Then I saw it.  I saw him smiling.  He was laughing.  He asked me to keep score and call fouls.  By the end, we were all smiling and laughing and having fun...and #2 was back to his competitive self and giving high fives and hugs.

Maybe I didn't win the "Worst Mother of the Year" award....maybe just the "You Disappointed Me Today Mom" award....it's just as heartbreaking, but it doesn't last an entire year.  Instead, you get a dash of sadness, pain in your heart, tears in your eyes, but eventually, you get a few high fives, hugs, books read to you, laughter, jokes, and a sweet "goodnight" hug and kiss as our day comes to a close in our life by numbers!

Dynamic Competitive Bacon

It's been a long time since the full moon blog....and I'm looking ahead to the solar and lunar eclipse this month and thinking "this girl is gonna need a spring break any time now".  I absolutely love my job, but these weird moons just freak out a teacher...that and "party" days.  Makes me want to lock myself up in a closet and play music until it all goes away and we get back to "normal" days...whatever that is.  

So I gotta tell you, I've started The Daniel Plan with a small group at church.  Have I told you lately that I love to eat?  I'm not really doing it to lose weight (though that would be a huge plus), but I'm doing it to feel better about myself.  I mean, I got some pretty active children and I want to be active with them.  I didn't really start The Daniel Plan off on the right foot when I ate Mexican food the first day, but I'm learning!  In fact, this week I've been pretty good.  No desserts, hardly any bread, lots of veggies and fruits, water, water, water....it's been great.  And I've only thought about an ice cold slice of cheesecake smothered in a warm peanut butter sauce once....every day...yes, at least once a day.  Not to shabby, huh?  I mean, "thinking" and "eating" are two different things.  

Well, let's get started with why you're here.....

#1

He played his last gig with the trombone this past weekend.  I took pictures and thought "only $235 more dollars and this useless trombone is ours".  I offered to take it back, but Hubby has some sentimental attachment to instruments as soon as they come in our house.  It's like he thinks we're all going to play these instruments again and if we sell them, we'll regret it.  I think "we'll be saving $235 and we can go ahead and get the next instrument that will sit in the corner for the next kid now and not have to pay as much".  As you can tell, we don't have the same sentimental feelings about instruments...or money.  I've been trying to tell #1 and his friend that they need to focus on the dynamic markings (how loud/soft they play).  This has been an ongoing battle for two weeks now.  I'm pretty resilient, so every time they argued with me, I argued back....and I'm pretty sure I showed my degree to them and reminded them that I do teach music for a living and I'm pretty sure I could run circles around them on the trombone even though I've only played it for one semester.  Apparently this only added fuel to the fire of them already not liking that I'm helping them....or as #1 would say "telling us how to play".  So yesterday at Solo and Ensemble, I listen at the door and as they come out.....

Me:  You all did very well!  What did the judge say?

Friend:  That we did very well!

#1:  And we paid attention to details and wore the same shirt!

Me:  AND!?!?!?!

....at this point, both heads lowered like two children that were in trouble and they knew they had been caught....

Both:  And we need to pay attention to the details of dynamics since there are only two of us....

Me:  Hmmmmmm...I wonder who has been trying to work with you all on the dynamics for the last two weeks?

Both:  You have....

......I'll take the score and write it in the books as a win!  I know I didn't listen to my parents when they were right about something and why should I expect any different?   Maybe I didn't win at all....#1 did change instruments and now plays the tuba....ANOTHER instrument I know nothing about.  

#2

We are officially finished with basketball.  It was a tough season, but when #2 says "you know mom, we haven't won any games, but I sure have had fun", you know he's doing it for the right reasons.  They did win one game...and came really close to another...but I'm just so glad that he had fun.  I will say that he was really leery about the two coaches on one team about cheating and being mean...and I gave him the huge lecture about how just because we hear something about them doesn't mean it's true, do your best, blah blah blah.....and then we played this team....AND HE WAS RIGHT!  I've already said how ridiculously competitive I am, but geez.....these people were over the top and I was livid.  I am pretty sure my blood pressure medicine stops working and Jesus just shakes His head at me when I'm at these games....and I'm a sure disappointment when I see this team playing and I am begging they lose big.  I mean, I have GOT to get my act together....it's little kids for goodness sakes.  

Anyhoo, #2 is tearing it up when it comes to reading.  He's always got a book in his hand....

Me:  I am so proud of you!

#2:  For what?

Me:  All this reading you're doing!  It makes me happy to see you enjoy reading a book.

#2:  Wanna know why I read so much?

Me:  Why?

#2:  I get a certificate....it's like a competition. 

.....so he's my kid....not only does he look like me, he also acts like me.  It's okay....competitive people are leaders, strong, go-getters....at least that's what I tell myself!  

So now we're going into soccer season.  A new sport.  A new coach.  A new team.  A new competitive nature.  I might need to be doubling up on some blood pressure medicine soon.  Why we wait for soccer season, we do something else competitive....learn how to blow bubbles with our gum!  

#3

This kid right here made...not a 100....but a 101/A on his spelling test!  He came to my room with the biggest smile on his face and MADE me take a picture right then and there cuz he didn't want to "lose the memory".  He is still so proud of that test!  I mean, isn't he a cutie!?!??!

He's also decided that he's going to run a store....well, he didn't decide that as much as his teacher is having the kiddos run a store.  #3 has been talking about this...well, it seems like forever.  He had to have the "right" product at the "right" price.  So he came up with "chocolate covered bacon".  Hubby and #3 made it last night and let me tell ya, it's pretty good!  He is so excited to "sell" this to his friends (they use fake money....they're learning economics).  THEN he got the bright idea to sell lottery tickets for a bag of bacon.  He had Hubby help him with the design of his tickets and cannot wait for the Friday of his week to do the store so he can draw the lucky winner.   I mean...this kid is going places.....chocolate covered bacon AND lottery tickets!?!?!?!?  AMAZING!!!!!

Hubby

Well...he turns 40 on the 15th of this month!  Yes, that's right folks....looks good, doesn't he!?!?  I told him I wanted to do something and he said "no....I don't need anything".  I'm pretty sure it's his introverted nature coming out.  So.....what should I do for an introvert that has pretty much all he needs/wants, is always thinking about others, is a perfectionist, musician, pastor.....(it rules out a lot of things I can do for him).....oh I know....already HAVE plans cuz I didn't plan something weeks/months ago.  I have GOT to be a better wife....but that's a whole other blog post.  

So I'm off.....going to dig my teeth into a piece of cheesecake....I mean apple....maybe.....depends on how life is in our life by numbers!