Spiders, Toilets, Braces...Oh My!

I rarely go upstairs.  With three boys and all their stuff upstairs, I kinda keep myself off limits.  There are times I walk up a few steps, see something out of place (like in the hallway) and think “I don’t need the stress of seeing what’s up there” and I walk right back downstairs.  I mean, last week there was a dead mouse attached to the baseboard.  Don’t tell me there’s nothing to be afraid of. 

So this week I decided I would brave the upstairs.  I armed myself with a garbage bag and a container of Clorox wipes….always be prepared.  I slowly walked up the stairs barely breathing as I wouldn’t want to wake anything that might be living that I didn’t approve of to live in my house.  I looked in one room….complete chaos.  Toys in the wrong containers.   The shade is being held up by a toy.  Costumes were all over the room.  Basketball goal in pieces.  I just look…I don’t go in. 

I walk to the other room….the stuffed animals that we worked so hard on being placed in their proper spots and in different containers are in one big pile in the corner.  It looks like we are trying to make a mountain out of stuffed animals so we can reach the ceiling.  I look at the closet that is halfway open and I shake my head.  I’m not even going to attempt to find out what’s in there. 

And then I head to the bathroom.  Remember….I live with all males.  The dog is female, but unless she’s cleaning a toilet, she doesn’t count. The smell of urine isn’t near as bad as I thought it would be.  I was pretty sure the smell would knock me unconscious for a few minutes….maybe it just happened for a few seconds this time.  And then I looked at this…..

….what in the world!?!?!??!?  First of all, the toothpaste looks like someone has been squeezing it with their fist.  No wonder they keep telling me I need to buy toothpaste.  The sink!??!?!  I mean, maybe THAT is where they are storing the toothpaste?!?!?  Is it too much to ask to at least clean out the sink every few days, weeks, months?!?!?!?  And I’m not even going to start with why the trash is actually outside the trash can…..

As I clean, I’m thinking of all the things I’m going to teach them.  You know what I mean?  I’m going to read the things that people post to make sure my #s are like all the OTHER families that have their two months old emptying the dishwasher….my two year old will be folding clothes out of the dryer…..they’ll be cleaning out the gutters by four??!?!?  And then I realize….at least I can afford more toothpaste when they poor it down the drain….at least they know to partially aim for the toilet when they pee….at least they got it near the trashcan. 

Our biggest ordeal this week was with #3….shocking, I know.  Apparently a group came in and told his class about orthodontics.  Now, I’m very grateful that people come in our school and talk to our kiddos.  I think it’s fabulous that they take the time out of their very busy schedule to teach our kiddos something that will probably affect them later in life.  But I wish people would realize that some kiddos see black and white….no gray….no colors of any kind.  In fact, it’s almost like they have tunnel vision and their tunnel is long and narrow….and that’s where #3 comes in……

#3:  Looks like I need to go to the dentist.

Me:  Why?  Do your teeth hurt?

#3:  No….I need braces.

Me:  You do not need braces.

#3:  YES I DO!  I still have these baby teeth and I heard that if you still have baby teeth, you’re gonna need braces RIGHT NOW!

…..and now you can cue the screaming for braces, crying for braces, on the floor begging for braces.  I mean seriously, if I could have slapped some braces on this kid’s teeth right then, I would have.  So I go to school the next day and talk with our guidance teachers….and they do remember that sentence being said.  And because these gals are so wonderful, they pulled #3 aside and told him he passed his dental test and he doesn’t need braces….

Me:  So…..I guess I’ll make you that appointment for your braces.

#3:  Oh, guess what!  Ms. G came to me and said that I passed my dentist test and I don’t need braces!

Me:  SHE DID?!?!?!??! 

#3:  Yeah, she said it a few times, so I’m guessing I REALLY don’t need them.  So you don’t have to make the appointment for me. 

……now, I told him this all night and that morning…..AND HE TAKES IT FROM HIS GUIDANCE TEACHER!?!?!?!?  You know what?  I don’t care if it came from a talking unicorn wearing a tutu….as long as that is another crisis diverted.

So as I'm headed home tonight after our school's fall fest, #2 and I are talking while #1 and #3 are in the backseat arguing about something.  I look at the window and there is a spider.  Now remember, I'm driving....about 45 miles per hour....

I take off my shoe....while I'm driving.

I start hitting the window...while I'm driving. 

And then I lost it.  I now have all the lights on in the car and I have one shoe hitting everything while I have #2 looking for the spider that has now fallen somewhere....anywhere....in this car...like #2's  now got my shoe and he's hitting all around the floor where the pedals are in the car.  

#2:  I FOUND IT!!!

Me:  DID YOU KILL IT?!?!?!?

#2:  NO, HE'S TOO FAST!!!!

Me:  YOU'VE GOT TO KILL IT!!!!

#2:  I'M TRYING!!!!

.....we are still going 45 miles per hour while both of us are looking for a spider and there are cars passing us...probably because I'm swerving so bad....#1 and #3 are still arguing about something.....

#2:  IT'S DEAD!!!!

Me:  REALLY?!?!?!  LET ME SEE!

(#2 shoes me my shoe)

Me:  THAT IS DIRT!

#2:  I THOUGHT IT WAS A SPIDER....LIKE HIS GUTS!!!!

Me:  THAT.  IS.  DIRT.  FIND.  THE. SPIDER.

......next thing I know, #2 is just hitting everything in the car with my shoe....

Me:  WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!??!?!

#2:  I'M TRYING TO KILL THE SPIDER!!!

Me:  DO YOU SEE IT?!?!?!

#2:  NO, BUT MAYBE I CAN JUST SCARE IT AWAY!!!!

....I pull into Sonic and there....in the middle....is the spider.....and I smash it....

#2:  Ewwwwww........

Me:  THAT is what spider guts look like. 

So apparently on our schedule for tomorrow is to clean out the car and make sure nothing else is living in there in our life by numbers!