Worst Mother of the Year

The picture above shows a very sad #2 who is extremely disappointed in his dad and mom....or "father and mother" as he said this afternoon.  I know it's bad when he uses proper names like that....and it was bad.  He got out of the car and slowly walked up the driveway with his head down. Let's rewind to last week.....

Me:  Why are you crying?
#2:  Cuz when I was in the 2nd grade, you didn't go to Safety City OR the Hot Rods ballgame with me.
Me:  Honey...I was working last year and couldn't get off and Daddy was working at WKU and he was out of town both times.  
#2:  But he went with #1 and now he's going with #3 and he didn't go with me.  
Me:  But look at all we GET to go to....football games, basketball games, soccer games....and we get to go with you to things now.  If you have a field trip that we can go to, one of us will go!
#2:  It's not the same.  I loved both of those things and I didn't get to share them with you.
.....secretly, I was praying that he wouldn't mention that he's the middle kid.  We've done so much to make sure he's not left out, forgotten, tossed aside, or felt like the middle kid didn't get what the others got.

The guilt eventually went away and then came back in full force today.  Full force....fast and furious.

I see #2 running at Run Club.  I wave at him and he looks at me and then looks away.  I'm pretty sure that he doesn't say anything cuz he's in the moment....the moment of competition.  The moment of focus.  I don't think much of it until after Run Club.  He walks in front of me as he goes to get water from the water fountain as he says.....
#2:  Well, somebody forgot about coming to see me get my AR award today.  
....and then he gets water and walks off.  Thank you imaginary knife in my heart and brick wall that I just ran into.....
Me:  #2....I am SO SORRY!  I got the e-mail, but I forwarded it to Dad and I forgot to remind him.  I'm so sorry!
#2:  Just seems like nobody wants to be with me....the second child.  
.....seriously the knife is still turning in my heart.  I am mortified.  I am ticked at myself.  I am thankful that he didn't say the "middle child".

I called Hubby and he completely forgot.  The apology from Hubby didn't help either.  All the way home I tried to get #2 to laugh...to smile...to look at me.  I offered cheesecake.  I offered ice cream.  I got nothing.  He just sat in the seat and did his homework and didn't speak.  I was heartbroken.

We got home and you see how he walked up the driveway.....slow....with his head down....with no bounce in his step.  It was the saddest thing I'd seen today.  He took out the dog and then walked outside to shoot hoops.  #3 came out to play with him and I stayed out there.  Then I saw it.  I saw him smiling.  He was laughing.  He asked me to keep score and call fouls.  By the end, we were all smiling and laughing and having fun...and #2 was back to his competitive self and giving high fives and hugs.

Maybe I didn't win the "Worst Mother of the Year" award....maybe just the "You Disappointed Me Today Mom" award....it's just as heartbreaking, but it doesn't last an entire year.  Instead, you get a dash of sadness, pain in your heart, tears in your eyes, but eventually, you get a few high fives, hugs, books read to you, laughter, jokes, and a sweet "goodnight" hug and kiss as our day comes to a close in our life by numbers!

Dynamic Competitive Bacon

It's been a long time since the full moon blog....and I'm looking ahead to the solar and lunar eclipse this month and thinking "this girl is gonna need a spring break any time now".  I absolutely love my job, but these weird moons just freak out a teacher...that and "party" days.  Makes me want to lock myself up in a closet and play music until it all goes away and we get back to "normal" days...whatever that is.  

So I gotta tell you, I've started The Daniel Plan with a small group at church.  Have I told you lately that I love to eat?  I'm not really doing it to lose weight (though that would be a huge plus), but I'm doing it to feel better about myself.  I mean, I got some pretty active children and I want to be active with them.  I didn't really start The Daniel Plan off on the right foot when I ate Mexican food the first day, but I'm learning!  In fact, this week I've been pretty good.  No desserts, hardly any bread, lots of veggies and fruits, water, water, water....it's been great.  And I've only thought about an ice cold slice of cheesecake smothered in a warm peanut butter sauce once....every day...yes, at least once a day.  Not to shabby, huh?  I mean, "thinking" and "eating" are two different things.  

Well, let's get started with why you're here.....

#1

He played his last gig with the trombone this past weekend.  I took pictures and thought "only $235 more dollars and this useless trombone is ours".  I offered to take it back, but Hubby has some sentimental attachment to instruments as soon as they come in our house.  It's like he thinks we're all going to play these instruments again and if we sell them, we'll regret it.  I think "we'll be saving $235 and we can go ahead and get the next instrument that will sit in the corner for the next kid now and not have to pay as much".  As you can tell, we don't have the same sentimental feelings about instruments...or money.  I've been trying to tell #1 and his friend that they need to focus on the dynamic markings (how loud/soft they play).  This has been an ongoing battle for two weeks now.  I'm pretty resilient, so every time they argued with me, I argued back....and I'm pretty sure I showed my degree to them and reminded them that I do teach music for a living and I'm pretty sure I could run circles around them on the trombone even though I've only played it for one semester.  Apparently this only added fuel to the fire of them already not liking that I'm helping them....or as #1 would say "telling us how to play".  So yesterday at Solo and Ensemble, I listen at the door and as they come out.....

Me:  You all did very well!  What did the judge say?

Friend:  That we did very well!

#1:  And we paid attention to details and wore the same shirt!

Me:  AND!?!?!?!

....at this point, both heads lowered like two children that were in trouble and they knew they had been caught....

Both:  And we need to pay attention to the details of dynamics since there are only two of us....

Me:  Hmmmmmm...I wonder who has been trying to work with you all on the dynamics for the last two weeks?

Both:  You have....

......I'll take the score and write it in the books as a win!  I know I didn't listen to my parents when they were right about something and why should I expect any different?   Maybe I didn't win at all....#1 did change instruments and now plays the tuba....ANOTHER instrument I know nothing about.  

#2

We are officially finished with basketball.  It was a tough season, but when #2 says "you know mom, we haven't won any games, but I sure have had fun", you know he's doing it for the right reasons.  They did win one game...and came really close to another...but I'm just so glad that he had fun.  I will say that he was really leery about the two coaches on one team about cheating and being mean...and I gave him the huge lecture about how just because we hear something about them doesn't mean it's true, do your best, blah blah blah.....and then we played this team....AND HE WAS RIGHT!  I've already said how ridiculously competitive I am, but geez.....these people were over the top and I was livid.  I am pretty sure my blood pressure medicine stops working and Jesus just shakes His head at me when I'm at these games....and I'm a sure disappointment when I see this team playing and I am begging they lose big.  I mean, I have GOT to get my act together....it's little kids for goodness sakes.  

Anyhoo, #2 is tearing it up when it comes to reading.  He's always got a book in his hand....

Me:  I am so proud of you!

#2:  For what?

Me:  All this reading you're doing!  It makes me happy to see you enjoy reading a book.

#2:  Wanna know why I read so much?

Me:  Why?

#2:  I get a certificate....it's like a competition. 

.....so he's my kid....not only does he look like me, he also acts like me.  It's okay....competitive people are leaders, strong, go-getters....at least that's what I tell myself!  

So now we're going into soccer season.  A new sport.  A new coach.  A new team.  A new competitive nature.  I might need to be doubling up on some blood pressure medicine soon.  Why we wait for soccer season, we do something else competitive....learn how to blow bubbles with our gum!  

#3

This kid right here made...not a 100....but a 101/A on his spelling test!  He came to my room with the biggest smile on his face and MADE me take a picture right then and there cuz he didn't want to "lose the memory".  He is still so proud of that test!  I mean, isn't he a cutie!?!??!

He's also decided that he's going to run a store....well, he didn't decide that as much as his teacher is having the kiddos run a store.  #3 has been talking about this...well, it seems like forever.  He had to have the "right" product at the "right" price.  So he came up with "chocolate covered bacon".  Hubby and #3 made it last night and let me tell ya, it's pretty good!  He is so excited to "sell" this to his friends (they use fake money....they're learning economics).  THEN he got the bright idea to sell lottery tickets for a bag of bacon.  He had Hubby help him with the design of his tickets and cannot wait for the Friday of his week to do the store so he can draw the lucky winner.   I mean...this kid is going places.....chocolate covered bacon AND lottery tickets!?!?!?!?  AMAZING!!!!!

Hubby

Well...he turns 40 on the 15th of this month!  Yes, that's right folks....looks good, doesn't he!?!?  I told him I wanted to do something and he said "no....I don't need anything".  I'm pretty sure it's his introverted nature coming out.  So.....what should I do for an introvert that has pretty much all he needs/wants, is always thinking about others, is a perfectionist, musician, pastor.....(it rules out a lot of things I can do for him).....oh I know....already HAVE plans cuz I didn't plan something weeks/months ago.  I have GOT to be a better wife....but that's a whole other blog post.  

So I'm off.....going to dig my teeth into a piece of cheesecake....I mean apple....maybe.....depends on how life is in our life by numbers!  

Full Moon Syndrome....It's A Thing!

What a week.  Nobody really knows when a full moon comes....except teachers.  Depending on which school I've been in during my years of teaching, I can tell you a week before a full moon.  Hubby never believed me....until we had #3.  I mean, a full moon does something to a child's mind and body that knocks them absolutely off their rocker.  In my years of teaching, I've seen students jumping off chairs, screaming at walls, more physical fights, choirs singing off key, my best dancers seem like their dancing with two left feet, and even lighting stop working on the stage.  I've also seen the students that make some bad decisions, make the best ones during this time of year.  I've seen students that don't participate at all, start movin' and groovin' with the best of them.  It's actually an amazing scientific project that someone should look into.  I mean, I bet the higher ups that tell teachers how to teach and that we should test the kiddos so much during their school life would love to see if our kiddos that are super brilliant during the full moon period....maybe they would let us test them then!  Do you sense the sarcasm?!?!??!?!  Anyhoo, let's talk about how the full moon affects my #s......

#1:  He's 1 1/2 months away from being a teenager, but yet, he's there and has been there for about a year now.  Junior high school apparently has a disease that is running rampant through the school.  The symptoms are eye rolling, huffing, knowing more than their parents, and trying to prove to their younger siblings why they are "cool".  #1 has had all of those symptoms, but during the full moon time, it is more pronounced.  The full moon adds a new symptom.....mother knows nothing.  See, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but I'm a music teacher.  #1 is quite aware of this seeing that I've been a music teacher all of his life.  I've either taught music at elementary schools, high schools, or private lessons the entire (almost) 13 years of his life.  This is not new news to him.  He doesn't have amnesia....he is fully aware that I'm a music teacher.....and today, after I rehearsed with him and his duet partner for solo and ensemble, his full moon symptom hit.....
Me:  What is wrong?
#1:  Nothing.
Me:  Well, SOMETHING is wrong cuz while I'm trying to help you two, you are huffing and rolling your eyes.  You looked miserable.
#1:  I thought you were just going to listen to us. 
Me:  I DID listen to you!
#1:  No, you ALSO told us that we weren't following the dynamic markings and we were slowing down too early and we were wrong.
Me:  WHAT??!??!?!?  OF COURSE I told you that....you both were doing it wrong.
#1:  But I thought you were just going to LISTEN!
Me:  AND SAY NOTHING!?!??!?
#1:  YES!!!!
Me:  Do you KNOW what I do for a living!?!??!?
#1:  It's obviously not just listening to music.....instead, you have to fix it.  
....I mean, SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?!  What is he thinking!?!?!??!  This kind of stuff has gone on for a week.  Unfortunately this symptom happens the week before the full moon, during the full moon, and after the full moon.  Maybe I should chalk this up to him almost being a teenager?  Nah....it's totally the full moon.

#2:  This is the kid that usually has a slight anger and competitive problem.  During the full moon, he becomes a non-stop talking machine.  I mean, he's talking from the time he gets up until the time he eventually falls asleep.  He busts in the bathroom door while I'm peeing to tell me about what happened during recess, he comes in the bathroom while I'm taking a shower to tell me why he thinks he'll be a better soccer player this year, while I'm drying my hair he yells about how much better he thinks his handwriting is when he actually concentrates on it, while I'm getting ready for bed he talks about what he thinks his day is going to be like the next day and why he loves his teacher because she believes in recess and she knows that he needs recess and if they can't get outdoor recess she makes sure that they receive indoor recess......yes, there are no commas because he doesn't stop long enough to take in air.  Don't get me wrong, I love that he's actually elaborating on what does on during his day....but a comma or period in his speaking would be nice.

He's always a loving kiddo, but he's a lot more loving during the full moon cycle.....like today when I left to go to school.....
#2:  You better give me a hug!
Me:  Love you!
#2:  Wait...you better get over here and give me a second hug!  I sure do love my Mommy!  
....I mean, who can resists extra hugs from their kiddos?  He also allows his brothers to get away with much more stuff during this time than he usually does.  He forgives much easier, talks a lot nicer about people, hugs more....as you can see, the full moon does a great number on him for the better good.  If he's playing a sport (he's ALWAYS playing a sport), then he takes things to heart....loses hurt him more, teamwork is more important, getting hurt rattles him more....it's like his feelings that he's buried deep in his belly are now being worn on his sleeve.  Full moon does a number on this kiddo.

#3:  I can't tell.  I don't mean, I can't let you know anything....I just can't figure out what the full moon does.  One minute I think we're taking a giant leap forward....like last night he came to me and said "I'm not going to try to sleep in your bed.  Instead, I'm going to sleep on the mat next to the bed".  I mean, that's baby steps and I am so proud that he did that all on his own.  He doesn't fight near as much about homework during this time and he settles in pretty quickly with whatever the afternoon/evening brings.  It's joyous to see him succeed so much during this time.

And then there's the "I'm gonna jump my brother and punch my mom in the stomach" issues that we have.  Yes, the anger gets a tad (ummmmmm....sometimes unbearable) during the full moon.  When he gets mad, it's ten times worse....like incredible hulk worse.  Tonight we were at the table and he absolutely refuses to take his medicine.....
#3:  I don't want to take it.  
Me:  You have to take it.
#3:  I don't like it in jello.
Me:  You picked the jello.
#3:  (yelling)  WELL I DON'T LIKE THE JELLO AND I DON'T LIKE THE MEDICINE AND I DON'T LIKE YOU!
Me:  Great....take your medicine in the jello you don't like.  I'm not wasting it.  
.....and to top it off, he grabbed a bag and wadded it up and was about to throw it.....
Me:  So help me if you throw that bag at me I will come across that table....
#1:  I'd like to see that.  
#2:  You don't want to do that Mommy.....I would hate for you to get hurt.
#3:  Grrrrrrrrrr
....and don't forget the punching.  Yes, he jumped #2 after #2 made a basketball goal.  Then when I called a technical, he came and punched me in the stomach.  WHAT!?!?!!?  This kid doesn't pull his punches....this was a full fledged fist in the stomach as hard as he could....enough to make me double over.  I mean seriously kid, you loved me after school this afternoon and now you're punching me in the stomach and trying to throw things at me?!?!?!?  So.....I'm not really sure how this kiddos is during the full moon....it's still up in the air.

So all you parents out there...or people that work with little people...the full moon does something to people....good or bad, there is a change.  As you can see, it really is hit or miss when the full moon comes out....even in our life by numbers!

No Schedules, Nothing To Do Saturday

I cannot stand to talk on the phone.  I mean, it makes my neck start itching and my voice stutter.  You could be my best friend in the world and I would rather text you or e-mail you than talk to you on the phone.  It's pretty weird to me though cuz I used to love talking on the phone.  I remember begging for a phone when was a teenager.  I also remember talking to Hubby on the phone for hours...actually falling asleep on the phone.  I will look at the phone when someone calls, know who it is, know that I need to talk to them....and text them soon after they leave a message.  The only problem are those people who don't text....yes, there are some of them still around.  And at that point, I'm hoping to see this dinosaur!  

So yesterday was a day of absolute nothingness...and I have zero regrets.  I mean, when you look at our calendar, every day with a dot means we have something to do....this could be Hubby's career, my

career, music lessons, sports, therapy....it's something!  When we came up with a Saturday with nothing to do, I reminded the #s that we have NOTHING TO DO!  And when I say we did nothing, I mean, we did nothing.  I went from our bed....to the couch....to eat....to the couch....I did nothing.  At one point I ate on the couch.  I know we could have done something, but we had a fabulous family day....together....with nothing planned!  And guess what....we might have another one next Saturday...I won't get too excited about it or I might jinx it.


My only problem with yesterday's "nothing to do" day is that #2 decided that he wanted to start hounding us about a bunny.  A few years ago, #3 prayed over and over for a bunny and when we were outside working, under a bush, was a family of bunnies.  #3 was so excited and kept saying "God brought me a bunny".  Well, about a year ago, #2 decided that he wanted a bunny.  We told him if he showed us responsibility, then we would talk about it.  Well, he was crying, he was begging, he was pleading.  Seriously kid, we have a "do nothing day" and you are crying about a bunny?!?!??!  A bunny that we are NOT going to get even if we said yes.  It is my do nothing day....WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON?!?!?!?  Hurry....we have to plan something.

So #2 left the room very upset....and an hour later, came back with this....

......I mean, this kid worked hard and his 3rd grade reading teacher should be proud of his reasoning skills.  My question is should I really be proud that they are working on 3.8 letter writing skills if it's just going to backfire on us and we end up with this!??!?!?!  The kid has a lot of great points...but we sure don't need a bunny.  I don't need the reasons why it would be good.  I don't need the "he needs responsibility" lecture.  We don't need a bunny.

As I close our schedule free weekend, I leave you with a fun picture of #3 and me.  No make-up, in our pajamas, happy, and relaxed.....

.....I sure did love this weekend in our life by numbers!

Gonna Get Real

Now I'm about to be real.  When I write "real", I mean, I'm gonna tell you some things and you're gonna think one of two things:
1.  I can't believe she's a Christian.  I really can't believe she's a pastor's wife.  She's going to hell.
2.  WOW.....She's being real....I can't believe she's a Christian.  I can't believe she's a pastor's wife.  She's going to hell.
....so do you see the similarities?!?!!?  I had a friend say that I'm "like Jesus" (she was joking) and after the laughter wore off, I got to thinking.....we hold people high on a pedestal....so high like we can't even touch them, but yet, we judge them so harshly when they fall.  Think about it.....musicians, actors, politicians, even pastors.....we hold them to such a high extreme and yet, when we find out something "wrong" with them, in our eyes, they fall to their death never to be able to grasp the edge of the cliff that would bring them back to our level....normal people level....an even playing field.

And with keeping it real, I'm just as guilty about letting these people, that I've put on a pedestal, drown in an open sea when they do something that I feel they shouldn't do.  When the whole "Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt divorce/cheating/whatever" came up, I was totally Team Jennifer and didn't care about seeing Brad or Angelina in any movie they'd ever do again.  Fortunately for Brad and Angelina, I'm not a big movie watcher and I'm sure that my $12 movie ticket cut means nothing to them.

I feel like all my life I've looked at people in a light where they should be held up with a halo around their head and when something happens and their halo falls off, I'm devastated....never to trust again. I'm sure these people have no idea that I put them so high on a pedestal, but I did and it hurt when they fell.  So when my friend said that I'm "like Jesus", I thought to myself "what a great idea for a blog where I can air all the crappy things about me and if people still like me afterwards, then maybe our friendship can last through time"......or at least until you jump off your pedestal and I won't be able to handle you anymore.

So here it goes friends.....I'm sure there are many more you can think of, but I'm really just hitting the high points right now....I'm sure we could all make a list of what's wrong with me.....

1.  I'M LOUD.  Yeah, you heard it here.  My parents weren't really loud and my grandparents weren't loud, so I don't know where I get it from....unless it's because everybody was so dang quiet around me.  I have a loud voice.  I'm not shouting all the time, but it may sound like it.  Yes, I'm sure it gets on your nerves, but that's just me.  Most of the time, I won't even need a microphone and if I have a microphone, it's very hard to learn how to be quiet when you're loud like me all the time.  I'm loud when I'm happy, sad, mad, frustrated, angry, excited, just talking, getting ready for bed, baking, when I'm talking to myself....you name the time, I'm loud....and I can't help it....and it's not gonna change.

2.  I never will be happy with the way I look.  I lost 50 pounds about 5 years ago....and I still complain about my weight.  I hate the way my arms look (I mean, these upper arms are HUGE) which means I don't like to wear short sleeves.  My butt is too big....my high school kiddos at PHS used to call me J-Lo....and at one time, that was the "in" thing.  I don't like my nose.  I have short stubby fingers....and can't reach an octave on the piano without stretching them like they're doing yoga.  I have no "thigh gap" cuz, well, face it, I like to eat.  There's this chunk of fat that I'd like to saw off from my tummy that I can't get rid of after three c-sections and four other surgeries....no matter the exercise.  When people compliment and say "you've lost weight"....I'll say "I'm trying" whether I am or not....cuz let's face it, I'm always trying.  I refuse to wear shorts cuz my calf muscles (I mean, I can say muscles, but they're just calves) are big.  There are things I like....I love how big my eyes are and I like my crooked smile.

3.  I don't cook.  Seriously....not a joke.  Hubby is the cook and he's very fabulous at it....and for the sake of our family, we need to keep it that way.  I have literally boiled an egg for two hours until I was told that I had to peel the egg in order to eat it.  I'm pretty sure that Hubby and I were dating at that time, but we could have been engaged and I'm sure he was cringing when he told me about the egg.  My #s love how I make cereal and sandwiches....and the rest is up to Hubby.  I see the disappointment in their eyes when I tell them Hubby has to work late or has a meeting....they know they aren't going to eat well that night.  I have no desire to cook.  I don't like it.  I don't care for it.  I get no satisfaction out of it.  I grew up on oatmeal, scrambled eggs and tv dinners.....I'm sure they don't want to go to that.

4.  I worry...all the time...about money.  We could have a million dollars in the bank (seriously, we don't....I'm a teacher) and I'm gonna worry about money.  Hubby and I are working on getting completely out of debt and even though things are paid and other things are paid extra to get out of debt, I worry.  I check our account multiple times a week....maybe even a few times a day....to make sure things have been paid, nothing has been taken, and we have money that in case Hubby has to work late, I can take the #s out to eat.

5.  I am super-ugly competitive.  It's absolutely horrible and makes me look ridiculous.  I'm not just talking about #2's football games and a couple of soccer games here and there....I'm talking about competing with others and myself at every turn I get.  I want to outdo EVERYTHING!  The week of my elementary Christmas music concerts, I was thinking about next year and how it can be bigger and better.  This translates all throughout my life.....children's ministry, work, family, singing, cleaning, dancing, teaching....it's totally out of control.  But if we're talking about sports, that's pretty ugly too.  I don't see kiddos on the field or court, I see the enemy.....I see my #'s enemy and I want them crushed.   It's sad really.....

6.  Lazy.  Yeah, sounds like I'm contradicting myself....and I am....but when I'm on the couch watching tv, I get the #s and Hubby to do everything for me....start the dryer, get a tissue, pour a drink, take out the dog, hand me the remote.  It's pathetic.  I could justify it with I don't get to sit down and take time for "me" much....but it's truly cuz I'm just lazy and don't want to get off the couch and out from under the warm blanket.

7.  I make everything a joke.  I'm sure I have a therapist in the near future that will say that I'm suppressing my true feelings and so I hide behind humor to mask how I really feel.  Hubby had cancer....I joke about it.  #3 diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome....I joke about it.  #2 lose a game of football....I joke about it.  #1 having an anxiety issue about his latex allergy....I joke about it.  You name it, I'm gonna joke about it.  I have had numerous friends and family tell me that I'm not nice or they don't appreciate it, but I usually joke about that too.  Sometimes it's a good thing to joke around cuz there have been many "you can cut the tension with a knife" moments and when I joke, it breaks that tension.  And sometimes it's gotten me in trouble...and then I joke about that.

8.  I'm a fighter...and there is no backing down even if I've lost.  I will dig my claws into the ground to get what I want.  I can be mean about it to the point that people might be a little scared to deal with me and go the other way when they see me.  It's not pretty, but I will fight for my Hubby, my #s, my kiddos at school, my friends, and for things I have a passion about.  And I will fight to the end.....it takes a lot to have me stop fighting for a cause or a person or a passion.

9.  I trust no one.  It's scary to put trust in people and I lost trusting people around the age of 12.  It's actually quite a boring and stupid story, but it totally changed my life because it meant a lot to me at that time.  I have a few close friends, but no one I tell my deepest, darkest secrets to except for Hubby.  I will let anybody and everybody come talk to me and I'll listen to you and soak it all in, but as far as going to people cuz I need help, well, it's not gonna happen.

10.  I'm a pastor's wife.  That doesn't miraculously make me perfect.  I'm a walking testimony of imperfections.  I can't handle the "but your husbands a pastor" comments.  Yes, yes he is....and he isn't perfect either (GASP).  When I do and say things and people ask "aren't you a pastor's wife" (and that actually is said to me more often that not), I just look at them (and more than likely joke about it).  Yes, I'm married to a pastor.  But more importantly, a pastor married me!  Ha ha ha.....who's the joke on now?!?!!?!?  Seriously though.....I know there are expectations....but I'm not killing anybody or sabotaging anybody.  Pastor's wife or not, I am human.  I make mistakes from the time I get up to the time I fall asleep and if I can mistakes WHILE I sleep, I'm sure I do.  I hope and pray that I'm a pastor's wife that people can look to and think "she's real....she's got problems, I've got problems, I bet we could be friends".  You don't want to hold your pastor's spouse to a degree that you would be crushed if they fell.  You want someone that knows they have issues.  I mean, our family alone can be a testimony to anyone that has gone through:
          losing a job (both of us have)
          needing money (we all have)
          infertility (been down that road twice)
          losing children (three miscarriages)
          giving up (hard times)
          telling God no (we actually quit going to church for a while)
          moving away from family (and moving back)
          cancer (Hubby)
          children that have health problems (all three #s)
          questioning the future (still do that)
          and many, many more
....don't you want pastors, teachers, friends, family, and co-workers that have been through things to be able to speak directly into you life?  Well, friends, we have been there!  I could speak to you right about anything.....cuz I'm pretty sure if I couldn't, I would joke around about it and at least make you smile.

So there you have it folks.  Some of you might be reading this saying "she forgot this one or that one"....you're hilarious.....and I didn't forget, I just didn't want to scare anybody with more than ten things that are wrong with me.  In time, you'll be able to name more problems with me than I will.  We could make it a game....a board game...like monopoly....you could buy my problems!  Or a card game....match the problems.  So now, when you go to bed tonight, you can pray for my family....cuz they have to live with me in our life by numbers!!!!
         

Going Back In Time....

I always try to have the five of us sit around the table and eat dinner together.  With all the hubbub of life that goes on around us, I really try to make that a must every night.  It doesn't always happen...like I can name three times this week we won't even come close to eating together....but I try.  I'm sure it stems from some childhood issue that I'll figure out when I'm at a therapist's office one evening when I'm wondering "why won't the children call"...but I digress....

So we're eating dinner together.....
Me:  Did you all watch tv while you ate dinner?
Hubby:  Well, we had the news on, but we didn't really watch it.  
#1:  Why can't we watch tv while we eat dinner?
Me:  We didn't watch tv.  We could on Friday nights when we ate Little Caesar's pizza.  Remember when you it came with two square pizzas?
#2:  TWO pizzas?!?!?!  And they were square!?!?!?
#1:  So WHY can't we watch tv while we eat dinner?
Me:  Cuz we're sitting here as a family cuz that will reduce the percentage of you all taking drugs and alcohol and being a maniac.  
#1:  You could have just said cuz you don't want us to.
Me:  I KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD D THIS SPRING BREAK!!!!!!
#s:  WHAT!?!?!?!?  WHERE ARE WE GOING!??!?!?
Me:  We're going to show you how Dad and I grew up!!!!
#s:  NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Me:  Oh yes!  It will be so much fun!  We'll eat foods we ate, we'll watch tv that we watched, we'll do things that we did!  It will be a blast!!!!
#2:  You can't make me do this.
Me:  And we can dress up in some of the things we had!  What a fun spring break this is going to be!
#3:  I wanna dress up as an old man!  
.....this conversation continued tonight on the way home from Room In the Inn......and #1 wants to wear different decades in clothes, #2 still doesn't want to do it, and #3 still wants to dress as an old man...with a cane!  I am pretty stoked about this adventure!  I can't wait to do all the things we used to do as kids!  I can't wait to see their little eyes light up in amazement!  I can't wait to hear the joyous phrase of "I love you Mom....thanks for sharing your life with us".....but I'm pretty sure I'm going to hear "can we PLEASE go back to how life is now"!

This week has been a pretty rough week for #3.  He's been sick since last Wednesday.  I'd say that our pediatrician jinxed us cuz she wrote and said she missed us....but she already claimed it.  Love that lady.....funny how you can be close to a pediatrician.  I mean, we don't see her very often anymore, but we used to meet EVERY one of her medical interns and see her at least once a week.  It's nice not to make that trek to the doctor, but I miss talking to her.....and with three kiddos and being a stay at home mom at that time in my life, I needed some adult conversation!

Anyhoo.....#3 didn't feel very well on Wednesday.  I told him he could snuggle with me in bed and he was coughing something awful.  So I propped him up.  Eventually, I fell asleep.....

10:23pm:  I felt the warmness of what I thought was pee.  I was mortified and jumped straight up....and then #3 threw up all over me.  I'm gagging, Hubby is jumping up, #3 is on all fours on our bed just throwing up.  STOP IT!!!  STOP IT!!!  I am now trying to take off my pajama shirt without vomit in my hair.  I am still gagging, Hubby is ripping sheets on the bed and #3 is just staring at me....
          Me:  What is wrong?!??!?!?!?  Are you awake?!??!?!
          #3:  I'm okay.  Just getting sick.
.....what!?!?!??!?!?!?  So I am jumping in the shower trying to calm down.  I get #3 in the shower and cleaned.  #3 is looking at me all glassy eyed and calm.  Doesn't shed a tear.  Doesn't make a peep.  He is zoned out.  I still don't know if the kid was even awake through all of that.

10:30pm:  We are ready to go back to bed.  My sheets are ruined.  My mattress is ruined.  Heck, I'd claim the bedroom is ruined at this point.  We move to the couch for sleep.  Hubby is the best Hubby in the world cuz he cleaned the bed up as good as new and washed the bedding.  Best.  Hubby.  Ever.

2:17am:  Hubby gives #3 some medicine.

2:18am:  #3 throws up said medicine....luckily we have a bowl.

....from this point forward, Hubby and I are waking up at any little noise that #3 makes.  If he snores, coughs, takes in air loudly....we are up.

4am:  #3 decides he wants to take a shower.  Seriously?!?!!?  It's 4....IN THE MORNING!!!!  Hubby is very kind and gives the kid a bath and I get 15 minutes of uninterrupted sleep.  It was glorious!  #3 comes back to snuggle and we repeat the "waking up at every noise" for the rest of the time we're supposed to be sleeping....and then my alarm goes off.  Geez it's gonna be a long day.

The good thing is that there was no infection.  But the kid has been glassy eyed, taken naps during the day, and has eaten much since Wednesday night.  It's a horrible weight loss plan and the kid didn't need to lose any weight.   The most precious picture I have is when we had to take him to the bathtub to take his medicine.  He had already gagged on his medicine and threw it up 15 seconds after he took it.  This is #3 in the bathtub, praying to God that he will keep it down and contemplating which one he should take first.......

.....my hearts melts when I see this picture....my heart melts all the time in our life by numbers!

Cupcakes....To Eat or Not To Eat

I knew I shouldn't have eaten this the moment I looked at the package....but I had a bad day....I was angry....I was sad....I was ticked....I was ready to wallow in self pity.  I looked around the kitchen and there on the counter were the cupcakes from our life group last night.  My heart and mind said "don't do it", but my stomach and my feelings that were sunbathing on my shoulders were saying "it them....eat them all".  I grabbed my Holly Hobbie bowl from the cabinet and put one of each cupcake in the bowl and put them in the microwave for 20 seconds.  The saliva from my mouth can almost taste the cupcakes.  I grab my favorite spoon from the drawer and snuggle on the couch and put the first bite in my mouth....THAT MIDDLE HAS CREAM AND IT BURNED MY TONGUE AND THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH!!!!  And I ate both of those cupcakes with Holly Hobbie staring at me in disbelief and total disappointment.  And did I feel better about the horrible day I had?  Absolutely not.  I now know that I have to double those exercises tomorrow.  Stupid bad day.  Stupid cupcakes. 

I went to a conference this week....and missed my family greatly!  I talked to them every morning and every night...and talked to Hubby some during the day.  I pictured this fabulous reunion as I saw them at different times on Saturday.  I picked up #1 from taking the ACT and when he walked out the door, I called his name and he jogged toward me and gave me a great big hug!  Reunion one was a success! 

 Then I get to the basketball game and I see #2 and he gives me a great big hug and wouldn't let go....every time I would move, he would hold my hand tighter and scoot closer to me.  Reunion two was a success!

Hubby smiled really big and kissed me and said how glad he was to see me and we talked about the trip!  Reunion number three was a success!

Then I see #3 on the basketball court.  I pictured this kid running from the court with arms wide open...with music playing....slow motion running and him screaming "MOMMY I MISSED YOU".  When he sees me....he just looks at me.  I thought that maybe he just didn't want to make a big deal.  Then after the game....after he won and he should be excited....he says "hi Mommy" and walks away. WHAT?!?!??!!?!?  Never did he snuggle up to me.  Never did he hold my hand.  Never did he hug me over and over.  WHAT?!?!?!?

Then the next morning, #3 comes to me (after his routine of eating breakfast and other daily rituals)....
#3:  Rule #1 CHECK!!!!!
Me:  I've missed your morning hugs while I've been gone.
#3:  That's why I couldn't give you a hug yesterday when I saw you at my game.
Me:  Why?
#3:  Cuz it was already the afternoon.....Rule #1 was already over.
.....seriously?!??!  He couldn't give me a hug because it was the afternoon!?!?!?  There are so many things I just don't understand....and probably never will.


Here are a few funnies that might give you a laugh.....
Me:  Will you PLEASE get your hand off of that?!?!?!?  It's not a toy and NOBODY is trying to take it!!!!
#2:  Are you sure?  I'm just trying to protect my friend.
.....can you guess what we're talking about???!?!?  I had this issue with #1....glad to know it's with all boys.


#1:  I am sooooo frustrated.
Me:  Why?
#1:  Because #3 is so slow.
Me:  Calm down.
#1:  Seriously....it's a wonder we go anywhere with how slow he is.
.....yes....that kid has his own agenda AND his own sense of time....and it's all in slow motion.


#3:  You know what I don't like about Mondays?
Me:  What?
#3:  That it starts a new week and I'm nervous that someone is gonna pray that the week goes by slow....and then God accepts that and the week goes slow instead of fast like I prayed for.


And that, my friends, is how life has been the last few days in our life by numbers!