Interesting.

I took #1 on this trip three years ago...just a mommy and son trip.  A trip that #1 still talks about today...the food we ate, the museums we went to, the talks we had...he barely remembers the test...he remembers the trip he took with his mommy.

So when #2 got the letter that he qualifies to take the test, I prayed that he would pick me to go.  One day, he won't want to spend time with his mommy...he'll want to hang out with the guys...and I just wanted this time with him...AND I GOT IT!!!!!

Friday, #2 and I left for Louisville.  We got up and packed our last minute items and headed to Chick-Fil-A...I mean, we've got to start the day off with a great breakfast!  We met Hubby there and you could see the excitement in #2's face!  He was ready to go on this trip!  We ate and said our goodbyes to Hubby and then got on the road.  

So my dreams were that we'd talk all the way to Louisville...have some bonding conversations...laugh a little...make some memories.  Instead, it was like this...

...yes, this kid slept the entire way there.  Seriously dude, are you kidding me?  I tried to stay up by listening to the radio and talking to myself.  I mean, if we're being serious, the kid is just like me...if I'm in the car more than 45 minutes, I fall asleep.  I have to remember that this kid is a mini-me.  

As we got into Louisville, I tried to wake #2 up from his deep slumber.  Let me tell you, he was in a DEEP sleep.  He wasn't moving and then...

Me:  #2...we are here...in Louisville!

#2:  WHAT?!?!?!  WE'RE HERE!?!??!?  

...it was like I offered him gold.  He was wide awake and taking the city in...looking and asking questions about all the buildings...talking about the players pictures on the buildings...asking when we're going to our first event.  

We get to our first event...an escape room.  #2 has wanted to do that for a while and I thought that is something that we could do together...we're both competitive...we both work together well...and the only problem is that we'd be locked in a room together and if we started fighting, it would be like I'm arguing with myself....at least the peeps behind the camera would get a kick out of it.  

So we start this room and #2 is frustrated 10 minutes into the event.  He's really good at figuring things out, but he doesn't like the clock.  In the end, we didn't finish the room...he was bummed...and I mean BUMMED.  He didn't want his picture taken, but did it anyway.  And when he got in the car, he said he wanted to do it again and beat it.  Let's get real, this is where we differ...I'm not paying another $50 to do a room that we 3/4s of the way already accomplished.  But I did tell him that maybe we can do that this summer at one of the places in BG.  He'll hold me to that...I'm quite confident that the first day of summer I will hear "when are we going to the escape room".  

After the escape room, we decided to go to the hotel room.  When we got to the front desk and as I'm checking in, #2 looked at me...

#2:  Ummm...Mommy...

Me:  Yes?

#2:  We don't belong here.  

Me:  Yes honey...this is where we have reservations.

#2:  No, we don't belong here.

Me:  Why not?

#2:  Because this place is way too fancy for us.

...now, I will agree, the front was a little nice.  A little nicer than a few hotels that I've stayed in the past...

Front Desk Lady:  Okay, you're on the first floor.

Me:  Ummm...I'm not really a first floor person.

Front Desk Lady:  Oh....

#2:  She's afraid someone will crawl up the wall.

Front Desk Lady:  OH!

Me:  So...do you have something on the second floor?

Front Desk Lady:  No...our first floor is the only thing that we're booking because of all the construction.

Me:  Construction?

Front Desk Lady:  Yes, our hotel is being renovated.  

...so my anxiety is through the roof because now I have to stay on the first floor...and then we went to our room.  

After we passed the lobby, our eyes were opened...the paint had been scraped off the walls in the hallway, the carpet was ripped off the floor, we walked into the next hallway and the wallpaper was coming off the walls, the lights didn't have all their lightbulbs...#2 and I looked at each other and we could read each other's minds...we were very scared of what our hotel room was going to look like.  

We opened up our hotel room and the room was surprisingly nice.  We got all of our clothes out and checked the place out...

#2:  What are you doing with that piece of paper?

Me:  Nothing.

#2:  Seriously...what are you doing?

Me:  Checking for bugs.

#2:  Do you do this every time you stay in a hotel room?

Me:  Maybe.

#2:  Interesting.

...he says interesting like I'm nuts, but he sure did ask a lot of questions and started looking at the paper as a checked around the place.  

I then went to the window and closed the curtains....

Me:  Will you bring me a hanger...one with the clips?

#2:  For what?  The closet is right here.

Me:  I need it for the window.

#2:  What??!?!?

Me:  Just bring me one.

#2:  I can't get it off the rod.

....so I go in the closet area and when I come back, #2 is looking out the curtains...

Me:  WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!

#2:  Waving at that guy.

Me:  WHAT!?!?!?

#2:  There's a guy out here...he parked his car under our window.  I thought it would be rude not to wave.

Me:  GET.  AWAY.  FROM.  THE.  WINDOW.

....and I proceed to clip the curtains together with the hanger....

Me:  THIS is why I don't want to stay on the first floor.  THIS is why I clip the curtains with a hanger.  

#2:  Interesting.  

Me:  AND STOP SAYING INTERESTING!!!!

#2 gets ready for the pool...second event for the day!  He is so excited to go swimming in January...and then we get to the pool.  First of all, 1/2 of the pool is taken up with lanes.  Then there's a group of 70+ year old ladies who are floating and gossiping in the middle of the rest of the pool.  #2 wants to swim and at this point, he can only swim in the shallow end.  He's not happy.  Goodness gracious, I cannot make anything go right on this trip.  I finally let him go to the deep end to swim and he's goofing off for a while and then he gets tired and realizes he can't swim very well so he uses a noodle.  He uses that for a bit and then slips...he comes up...
#2:  I'm tired and I'm thinking I need to get out.  

Me:  Good call...let's go.
#2:  Hey...there's a shower right there...can I go in and shower off and then go back to the room?
Me:  Sure.  I'll wait right outside the door.
...the kid goes in and five seconds later....
#2:  Nevermind...there's a naked man in there and I'm just not doing that...no clothes...no curtains...no thank you.  
...and we immediately head back to the hotel room...I mean, after I yelled "that's disgusting" loud enough for that man to hear.

#2 decides he wants to go to Red Lobster to get a lobster pizza...and when I found my gift card, we both smiled and knew it was fate.  We get there and he asks me to sit on his side of the table so we can play tic tac toe.  We did a ton of people watching...which we probably should have gotten in trouble for...we watched it rain outside and a lady pulled her coat over her head so she wouldn't get her hair wet...we watched the couple across from us complain about the lettuce in the salad and even though she complained to the waiter about how much she hated iceberg lettuce, she still order that salad, we heard three ladies complain about the temperature of their coffee...#2 and I literally sat in the booth laughing so hard and nobody knew why.  We were the happiest people in a restaurant FULL of complainers.  I think it made the day of the people who worked there because we were so loud and when people would complain, we laughed even harder and the waiters would look at us and laugh.  They knew what was up...and they were laughing at us because they knew they couldn't laugh at the people they were waiting on.

After that we decided that dessert was in order...so since we both love cheesecake, we headed to the Cheesecake Factory.  I haven't been there in forever and when you stop and see all of those cheesecakes and narrow it down to one, it takes a while.  We took our desserts to go and headed to the car...ready to head home...but first, one more stop.

#2 doesn't want anybody to know, but he's got a really big heart.  He wanted to get his brothers a stuffed animal since he was getting to go on the trip.  I couldn't find a toy store, so we ended up at a bookstore and we searched for a stuffed animal.  He picked one out for each of his brothers and himself and then headed back to the fancy hotel.

I got ready for bed and #2 took his shower and we sat on top of the covers and ate cheesecake...
#2:  This is the best ever!  
Me:  What?
#2:  We are actually eating IN bed!  I mean, I've always wanted to do this and now my dream has come true!!!!
...apparently I hold back some of my number's dreams.  ;-)

Bedtime was coming so we brushed our teeth and I pulled one of the things on the door over the peep hole...
#2:  What are you doing?  Did you just rip that off?
Me:  I'm covering the peep hole.
#2:  So no one will see in our room?
Me:  Yes.
#2:  (huge sigh)  Okay...

So I pick up the phone to get a wake-up call.  No dial tone.  I'm pushing the button over and over.  What?  Maybe the phone isn't plugged in.  Check plug.  It's in.  No dial tone.  No noise.  The phone doesn't work at all.  We're going to die in this room and I can't call out to warn anybody.

As we were going to sleep, I realized I forgot the fan.  I had no cold air and I had no noise...which then made me hear every little sound.  I could hear the cars outside our window and that's when my brain started racing...
What if someone crawled up the wall and broke in our room through our window?  What would #2 do?  Could I protect us?  Why are we on the first floor?  Why didn't I just change hotels?  What if my phone dies and I can't get in touch with anybody?  Why doesn't the phone work?  This was a bad decision.  I'm a horrible mom.  I need air.  I need to make sure the window is locked.  If I look outside the window, will I see anybody outside the window?  I'll run.  Check window.  Window locked.  Jump into bed.  Plug phone up.  No plug near bed....WHAT?!?!?!?  Only plug is across the room.  Now the killer that is going to break into our room will also grab my phone.  Cue sometime I feel asleep and woke up many, many times throughout the night.

We got up for this continental breakfast...at least that was coming with this hotel.  We get to the room with the food...oh...cereal, biscuits and eggs that look like foam in the shape of a circle.  Seriously.  As we're eating, we discuss the test.  It's no big deal...just practice.

We drive to the school and it's raining...like it has all weekend.  We wait in the car and we're just talking about our weekend.  We finally get out and head inside for this big 3 1/2 hour test.  As we are sitting at the table after check-in, I'm trying to calm #2's nerves...
#2:  I'm so nervous.  What if I don't do well?
Me:  Think of it this way...this test is like your football or basketball practice...nobody is keeping score, this practice doesn't count.  This test is to help you when you play the real game...which, in this case, will be high school.  Don't fret over a test...a test tells a small portion of who you really are.  You're a Christian, you're an athlete, you're kind...none of that shows up on a test, but that actually matters more.  
#2:  Thanks Mommy...I love you!  
...now, I'm telling you, that it's not one minute later that the lady across the table from us is scaring her daughter to death over this test....and she's kinda scaring me...
Lady:  This test is everything!  This test will get you into the best colleges!  You have to concentrate! We're studied for months for this test!  You have got to do well!  
Daughter:  (tears in her eyes)  I will mother.  I won't let you down.
...okay, first of all, she isn't getting into college in the sixth grade by this test.  And when she said "mother" I almost laughed out loud.  I mean, the pressure and the formal name had me chuckling inside.

When they called #2's room number, he gave me a hug and then looked at me....
#2:  Mommy...she has a banana.  That's her snack!  What do I do?!?!?!?
Me:  Calm down.  Tell the adult.  Don't sit beside her.  Don't hold her hand...and no kissing. 
#2:  (laughing and shaking his head)  Love you Mommy. 

After the test, #2 came out smiling...
Me:  Hey little man!  How did it go?
#2:  (smiling from ear to ear)  Oh it was terrible.  I did horrible.  I knew nothing.  But now I know what it's gonna be like when the real game is. 

We then decided to eat at a place that got rave reviews...Jonella's.  That was the best chicken I've had!  #2 loved it...
#2:  Next year when we come to take the test, I wanna come here again to eat!
What I heard...
#2:  I love you so much and I pick you for our trip next year!  

We headed home...still in the rain...and again, the kid slept all the home home.  This time it took him less time to go to sleep.  So I put on some music and sang all the way home.  When we were about 30 minutes away from home #2 woke up and I turned down the music...
#2:  Oh no...turn it up Mommy...I love to hear you sing.  
...and this week...and that comment...is why this weekend ranks up there as one of the best Mommy and Son trips ever in Our Life By Numbers!

               

Goodbye Shoes...I'm Gonna Miss You....

I am hard on shoes...REALLY hard on shoes.  All day long, I'm on my feet...dancing, walking, exercising, moving around.  I'm also in different kinds of weather...hot, rainy, snowy, cold...all this not only in every day wear, but also while doing car rider duty (so truly in Kentucky all this weather could happen in the 30 minutes that I'm outside helping kiddos get in the car).

Next thing...I'm really cheap.  I don't like to spend money on shoes.  I mean, they go on my feet.  I walk on these shoes all day long.  Yes...I KNOW that I should have a great pair of shoes so I won't have back trouble, but I just can't seeing paying so much for shoes.  Hubby has a total difference of opinion.  He worked in a boot store in Nashville all through college and thinks that shoes should be fitted properly and should be changed at the first sign of any problems.

Back to my shoes...
I've had these babies for two years.  They have gone through so much...concerts, sports games, church, teaching elementary music, exercising, funerals, weddings, traveling...you name it, these shoes have been with me.  Holes don't bother me...but one day out in car rider duty it was cold...and rainy...and when I took off my shoes, my socks were soaked.  It's like a little piece of me was dying.

I know you think I'm nuts...and I am...but I love these shoes!  I got them at a great deal (remember, I'm cheap) and they remind me of my childhood when Keds were actually a brand people knew.  I love the pattern because it could truly go with anything...and I wore them with EVERYTHING.  They are comfortable...they let my feet move when I was dancing with my kiddos.  They kept up with me while I worked.  They are part of my wardrobe...like...the main part.

So we went to Opry Mills with some close friends yesterday and there was the Converse store.  I've never owned a pair of Converse.  I'm not big on name brands (remember, I was wearing Keds).  There was a sale...a 40% off sale...so Hubby coaxed me into entering the store...he even kept the kiddos out of the store so I could look.

I walked straight towards the back...that's where the sale was going on.  I looked at the entire wall of shoes.  They were beautiful!  Red one, gold ones, lace ones, colorful ones, apple ones, zip up ones, ones with lifts...it was a never ending wall of amazing shoes...and at 40% off!  It was amazing!

And then I stopped.  I turned around and walked out of the store.  Hubby looked at me...
Hubby:  Did you find something you liked?

Me:  Yes.

Hubby:  Well...why didn't you get it?  

Me:  They're just shoes.  And the price is still really high.  Maybe I'll come back later.  
...and so we went on our way with our friends.  We had a great time playing games, eating dinner...and then it was time.  It was "shop or go home".  We decided to shop.  We went to the Converse store.  Feet sweating, heart racing....I went to the back of the store again...this time with my family.

As I went through the shoes with my eyes, I picked up a pair.  They were beautiful...and high tops...and still expensive....

Salesperson:  Those are a great pair of shoes.  They have a Nike insole and are one of our best product...I don't know why those are 40% off.  

Me:  Yes, but still with 40%, that's a high price. 

Salesperson:  No honey...it's 40% off that orange sticker.

Me:  So you mean I won't even pay $40 for these shoes?

Salesperson:  Ummmm....yeah.  

Hubby:  You should get two pair!  



I sat and picked up the shoe out of the box.  And then my old faithful shoes started talking to me...

Old Faithful Shoes:  What are you doing?  We've been through so much.

My Feet:  You have holes in you.  

Old Faithful Shoes:  That helps you breath better. 

My Feet:  And the rain?  I mean, seriously. 

Old Faithful Shoes:  Think of it as cleansing your feet.


My Feet:  Seriously...you need to be thrown away.  You've got holes in you heels and your sides.  You've been a great pair of shoes, but I need something better.  People are going to start talking about her...that she can't afford shoes.  You don't want that, do you?

Old Faithful Shoes:  No...I love her.  We've been through so much.  

My Feet:  I know...and we appreciate you...we love you...but it's time.  It's time to let her go.  It's time to let her get a pair of shoes that are new...that fit...she needs that new shoe smell.  

Old Faithful Shoes:  I'm going to miss you all.  I'm going to miss the concerts every winter.  I'm going to miss running on her treadmill.  I'm going to miss making sure all the kiddos get in their car and go home after school each day.  But yes, it's time to go.  I love you...

And we came home with a new pair of shoes.  This afternoon when we were getting our shoes on to leave, I hesitated.
Me:  Maybe I should wait to wear these until Tuesday.

Hubby:  No...wear your new shoes.
I took the Converse shoe box out of the bag and pulled out the shoes.  I felt the sides and checked them one more time for holes.

...I gently placed my old faithful shoes in the Converse shoe box and into the Converse bag.  I placed the bag on the counter that the trash can sits under.  I turn away and then turn back one more time to see the bag.  Was this a good idea?  What if these new ones hurt my feet?  What happens if I don't move like I did before?  I mean, I'm 39 years old, I can't lose any moves I've had with my old faithful shoes.

I remember how excited #2 was when he received his new shoes for Christmas...
#2:  I will be able to run faster!  I'll be able to hit the goal each time!  I'm gonna be better with these shoes!

...so I decided to try it out...maybe I'll dance better...maybe move faster...maybe I'll be a better teacher with these shoes in Our Life By Numbers!

Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017

As I listen to others talk about 2016, I see that people struggled...families were torn apart, friends got mad at one another, jobs were lost, children made bad choices, sickness happened, loved ones died...I see life just stunk for some people...and I'm sorry.  I truly am sorry.  I've had those years where I wish we could fast forward through the entire year and never speak of it again.  Years were you looked back at it and ask yourself "how in the world did I make it".

We've had job lose.

We've had fertility issues.

We've had deaths.

We've had our children make bad choices.

We've had cancer.

We've had family members that we want to punch in the stomach.

We've had friends that we want to say "WHAT IN THE WORLD".

We've had bad years...did you notice that I said yearS...not singular...we've had bad YEARS!  Being a human/Christian/man/woman/old/young/black/white doesn't make us prone to more bad things or less...it makes us...relatable.  And yes, it stinks.  Alright, it downright sucks.  There are times I don't want to be relatable.  There are times that I don't want to use a family issue as part of my testimony.  There are times I've told God "hey...you've got a lot more faith in me than I do, so stop it".  I've gotten frustrated...heck, I've sat in the den and yelled at God...and also my family.  When I look back on the stuff we've gone through, I see a silver lining in each of them...though hindsight is 20/20 and so badly I wish I had seen that silver lining during the entire issue that we were going through.  I also see how incredibly bad I've dealt with things in the past...and I see how tense I was am...and how anxious I could be am...and how I don't always learn the lesson until way later...sometimes much later...

And I'm sure someone will say "what about the politics in 2016"?  I mean, if your person won, you're on cloud nine. If your person lost, you think the world is coming to an end.  Either way, surely you can look at 2017 as a fresh, new start?  And if not, it's going to be a rough year for you and it hasn't even started...not really a way I would want to start.  I mean, let's at least let the people who were elected do something stupid before you name them as losers...and looking back, I'm pretty sure I could come up with a thing or two about anybody in politics that did something I disagree with educationally, financially, spiritually, physically, mentally...

So why did I write this?  Is this another "let's start off the new year right" blog?  Well, yes...but for me.  Maybe I need to be accountable and this is the best way for me to do it...let everybody know so they can ask how it's going...or tell me that I'm not really following what I wanted to do.  Maybe I just need to see in writing what I want to do...need to do...have to do...in 2017.

I'm not saying that 2017 is going to be a bed of roses.  I know that there will be deaths and there will be heartbreaks.  There will be times I want to scream and there will be times that I will give the death stare to my children that will dare them to try whatever they are doing one more time.  I will be frustrated.  I will be scared.  I will have to make decisions with Hubby that could change our entire lives.  Nobody said that life is easy.

So what do I want to do in 2017?  Well, here's my list...I'm sure there will be more added to it.  I'm sure I will fail at some of these.  I'm hoping I succeed at some.  I will make mistakes.  I will take steps back.  There are things on here that I know I won't be able to guarantee, but I want to start off with 2017 being a positive year for our family....

1.  I want to put God first.  I want to think about how God wants me to do things.  I want to take a step back and think and pray before making decisions.  I want God first...in everything.  I want to continue reading my Bible and writing in my prayer/praise journal, but I want to dig deeper into it.  I want to melt on the words that God has given me and use them in my life.

2.  I want to be the best wife for Hubby.  I want to support him in his decisions and career.  I want to be the one he confides in and laughs with.  I want him to know that I appreciate what he does for me and our family.  I want to be his best friend!

3.  I want to be the mom that takes care of her children and is a good example.  I want to help them in life, but don't do everything for them.  I want to strive to be the Proverbs 31 woman...though that's a lot of expectations and I can already tell you, I won't live up to that one...but I can strive to be like her.  ;)

4.  I want to be the teacher that shows Jesus in all of my actions and words.  I want my class to be fun, creative, educational, and different.

5.  I want to teach the kiddos at Crossland Morgantown about having a relationship with Jesus.  I want to build relationships with their parents so we can be a force to reckon with when it comes to sharing the news about Jesus in Morgantown.

6.  I want to listen to the guiding of God...cuz there's a lot of talking that goes on in our relationship and it's mostly me doing it.

7.  I want to be healthy...not to be a model (cuz let's face it, I'm not), but to keep up with all the things we do in life and help with my heart and blood pressure.  So I'm going to continue my smoothies for breakfast and salads for lunch...but now I need to get back to exercising.

8.  I want to write a book.  Is that gonna happen?  No.  But I've always wanted to write a book about being a mom and what's another year of putting it on my "to do" list...

9.  I want to use less hand sanitizer...maybe hug more...okay, let's not push it.  I'm pretty sure that less hand sanitizer is more of a goal I can meet.

10.  I want to worry less about money and get out of debt.  We've made stupid decisions in our life and we're still paying them off (and then I had to add graduate school to that).  I would love for someone to just leave me some money in unmarked bills and let me pay off things...but since that isn't going to happen, I hope that Hubby and I work our plan this year and really focus on getting out of debt.

11.  On the flip side, I want to take the family on vacation.

12.  I want to learn how to cook.  Let's not kid ourselves.

13.  I wanna be more open when I need help.  Yeah...that's probably not going to happen either.

14.  I want to clean out the garage and be able to park in it.

15.  I want to be able to use the remotes ANY time that I sit on the couch to watch TV without yelling at the remotes.

16.  I want to make sure that we have nights when it's just the five of us...and we have nothing to do.

17.  I want to not yank out my teenager's smart aleck tongue...this one is iffy on the hopes of succeeding.

18.  I want to evolve a MagiKarp on Pokemon Go.

19.  I want to pick up my prescriptions on time at the pharmacy...because I know they are sick of me waiting the 10 days and then re-shelving it only for me to come on day 11 needing it.

20.  I want to wipe the ceiling fans and vacuum the stairs more than I do...trust me, it's embarrassing.

21.  I want to find something that will build someone up and help them in life.

So...there it is.  I'm sure there are a million other things I need to do, but these are my top ones.  I can already look at this list and realize that if I was basing my entire 2017 on these, then it's going to be a rough year...but I'm going to do the best I can.  I'm going to try to let things roll...as a friend keeps telling me, I'm going to start bending like a pretzel.  I know I'll see crumbs...and I might even break into pieces, but I'm going to be the best pretzel I can be in Our Life By Numbers!

Sometimes You Gotta Take It Off the Shelf

Me:  Why are you crying?  
(no answer)
Me:  #3...you do not need to go to bed upset...you'll wake up tomorrow upset.
(still no answer, but he gets up and goes to the mirror so he can look at me through the mirror)
Me:  #1 and #2...leave the room so I can talk to him.  
(they leave...#3 starts sobbing)
Me:  What is wrong honey?

#3:  They don't understand.  My best friend gave me this football and I don't want them to touch it.  My friend means the world to me and so does the gift he gave me.  

Me:  Follow me...

I lead #3 upstairs to where my collection of porcelain dolls are.  These dolls are so very special to me.  My dad used to travel a lot and one time when he came home, he brought me a doll.  I LOVED it...and from that point on, I got one every special occasion (in our house that meant birthdays/Christmas).  One year we got a piece of furniture to display them...and they're still in that today.

Also in the doll case is a special doll from my grandfather.  We called him Papa John (and yes, he DID make the best pizzas).  He never bought gifts...he left that up to my grandmother.  Well, one special occasion, he had a present for me.  Everybody was a little shocked.  I mean, this man bought nothing, but yet, he bought his granddaughter something.  I opened this doll and was in love.  The had beautiful red hair in two braided pigtails, a flower and polka dotted dress, a doily for her hat, and her face was drawn on.  Nobody had a clue as to why he bought this for me, but I was so excited and named her Christina.  I slept with Christina a lot as a kid.  And then one day, Papa John had a massive heart attack and was in the hospital for three days.  I hugged that doll like I was hugging him every night since I wasn't allowed to see him in the hospital.  And then, three days later, he died.  I remember sobbing and sobbing...and I remember the funeral and the millions of emotions that I felt throughout it.  And then I put Christina in the doll case.

I don't take Christina out of the doll case.  I've put her in a box when we've moved and when I open the box, I reminisce about Papa John, but she goes right back in there so she doesn't get hurt...so no one will touch her.  She's special...just like all those dolls from my dad.  But tonight Christina needed to tell a story.  As I held #3's hand as we walked up the stairs, I felt my heart pounding.  I opened the doll case and sat in the chair beside #3...

Me:  This is Christina.  She's very special to me because my Papa John gave her to me.  

#3:  Why?

Me:  He gave it to me as a gift.  He loved me very much and I love him and this was a gift.

#3:  Just like this football.

Me:  Yes.  Your friend gave you that football and that football reminds you of your friend.  And some things that are special, we need to put up, but sometimes those special things need to be played with.  

#3:  Like my football?

Me:  Do you think your friend would want you just to carry that football around and never play with it? 

#3:  No.

Me:  He gave it to you to enjoy.  Right?

#3:  Yes.  So maybe I should play with it with my brothers...
...throughout this conversation, memories are flooding my eyes.  I watch #3 treat Christina with such delicacy.  He looks over her hair and clothes and hat.  He rubs her face where the drawn on marker eyes and mouth are so faded that she's almost faceless...

#3:  May I sleep with your doll that Papa John gave you tonight?  

...my heart was pounding out of my chest.  Of course I don't want him to sleep with her.  She's priceless, she's the only thing my grandfather gave me.  Seriously child, I need her back in her doll case after this conversation.  But as I look at #3's big eyes red from crying and I hear his sweet voice asking, I think about Papa John...and I realize that maybe this was from him telling me that he gave me that doll, not to be put up in a case for no one to touch, but for a moment like this...a moment that ended a meltdown, a moment that I could tell that story for a reason...a reason when my child would listen because he needed it....

Me:  Yes darling.  You may....

...being a mom isn't easy.  Dealing with meltdowns is heartbreaking for all of us.  Sometimes memories aren't pleasant...but sometimes you realize that maybe Papa John gave me that doll almost 30+ years ago because of this very moment.  The very moment to calm #3 and for me to realize that I can't just put memories on a shelf.  But whatever the reason, I do know that God has His arm around Papa John right now looking down on us and saying "they're are doing pretty good in Our Life by Numbers"!

GORUCK...Why In The World Did I Do That?!?!?

A few months ago I signed up to do this thing called “GORUCK”.  I will honestly tell you that I had no idea what it was, but my friends were doing it (talk about peer pressure) and I wanted to be a part of it.  And I’m not talking about just my friends…I’m talking about my life group.  Surely my life group wouldn’t get me into something that I couldn’t do, right? 

So Hubby and I sign up and next thing we know…like a month later…the #s have a football game the Saturday of GORUCK.  Well, surely it will be an early game…we’ll go to that, drop the kiddos with family and then head to Nashville.  Easy peasy lemon squeezy.  And then the schedule came out…12pm.  Ugh.  I can’t miss their game…it’s the last game of the season.  I can’t do this.  They need me.  So I had a talk with Hubby…

Me:  We can’t miss their game.
Hubby:  Why don’t I stay with the boys and you go?
Me:  But they need me.
Hubby:  They’ll be fine…I’ll be there with them.
Me:  Will you pray with them like I always do?
Hubby:  Yes.
Me:  Will you keep me updated with the score?
Hubby:  Yes. 
Me:  But…
Hubby:  You’ll be fine…
Me:  And…
Hubby:  They’ll be fine…
Me:  Okay…I’m gonna do this!

It ended up that our group of 8-10 dwindled down for 4 for one reason or another.  And I kept thinking that I don’t need to do this.  What was I getting myself into?  Why in the world would I sign up for this military, exercise, walking around Nashville, wearing a backpack with as much weight as I take to school, not knowing what in the world I was doing ordeal as an all day event? 

We drive down to Nashville and I’m already nervous.  For those of you that don’t know me, I get real quiet around people I don’t know…and when I’m nervous, I just kinda turn into an introvert.  So altogether, there are 26 of us.  We’re a weird crowd to look at…all dressed up in costume, wearing backpacks.  There are men dressed up as grandmas, satan, superheroes, pirate, bottle of rum…odd group to say the least, but all nice, friendly, ready to do this people. 

After checking our bags, we were ready to go.  We started walking…and walking…and walking.  We weren’t allowed to have our phones or a watch, so I really don’t know how long we walked.  I know that people “beeped” and yelled at us all through this trip.  We stopped and did what someone called “military push-ups” and butterfly kicks and squats.  We would do all these and then at “10”, we would have to hold in place.  Oh my goodness…talk about hurt.  Then we started back walking again.  Our next stop…that seemed like miles later…we did more squats…this time holding the heavy backpack over our head…remember, there is a weight in my backpack.  Seriously…seriously?!?!?!?  We get finished with lots of those squats and then head up the stairs…yes, I said stairs.  We get to this open area and I’m thinking “we’re about to run…I can run”.  Nope.  We’re not running.  We’re about to carry someone over our shoulders.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!

First of all, I do not like people to touch me…and I DEFINITELY don’t like to touch people…especially sweaty people…but that’s where we’re going.  So the good thing is that C (my life group friend) and I picked each other as partners.  Now, this is no piggy back ride…this is grab their hand, put your hand through their legs and left them over your shoulders kind of ride.  So I’m about to cry at this point…I mean, this is sooooo out of my comfort zone and I wanted to do this so bad, but I just didn’t know if I could do it.  Cadre kept saying “you can do this”…so I squatted, took a deep breath, said my verse that I said all day (Philippians 4:13) and...and I did!!!!  I actually lifted her on my shoulders!!!!  And then I looked and I had to carry her across the field…we laughed all the way across as our team cheered!  I did it!  I ACTUALLY DID IT!!!!!

So on the way back, I’m thinking I’m just gonna walk…nope…it’s time to switch partners.  Ummm….no.  The last four was me, two life group members and a guy I didn’t know.  Looks like I’m with the guy I didn’t know cuz the life group members that are left are married.  Oh.  My.  Goodness.  Cadre tells him to carry me.  Seriously.  SERIOUSLY!?!?!?  I can’t stand for people to touch me…and at least I had a friend I was lifting on the way there.  And you know how it actually works…this guy is sweating and I’m just cringing.  Not that he’s mean or bad…but that:

1.     I don’t like germs…sweat is germy.

2.     I don’t like people to touch me…I don’t know him. 

3.     The combination makes my heart hurt.

He carries me across…I look at Cadre and mouth “don’t let him drop me” and he says “it’s okay…I’m right here”.  My heart is racing.  I am holding my breath.  But he makes it…and I land on my feet.  And thank the Good Lord that I’ve made it through that interesting ordeal.

Then we walked through the fountains…cuz there’s nothing like walking through water when you’re already hot and sweaty….felt good, felt cold, and now I could feel the blisters. 

As we’re walking, people are helping others with their backpacks, trading pumpkins, talking, huffing and puffing….all in costume…all happening in downtown Nashville. Oh yeah, we had to bring pumpkins to this event also…we did pumpkin bowling and near the end, we had a pumpkin carving contest.  Funny how many people brought a knife to this event…funny…and scary. 

Then comes time for the last walk to where we started….and we have to do a dance to the song “The Monster Mash”…and what does my friend do?  Call me out and say “hey, we’ve got a music teacher here”.  So on the way back, I was allowed to listen to the music and come up with a dance number.  This time FLEW BY…and I think it’s because I got to listen to music.  I mean, I felt better, had a pep in my step, I was happier.  I NEED MUSIC!!!!!! 

We get back to the park and I’ve choreographed a dance (as best I could while walking with a weight, feet hurting, been doing this for 4 ½ hours kind of dance).  The Cadre seemed pleased, the people seemed pleased and did everything I asked, and by the end…it was done. 

Our life group walked back to the car…taking off my shoes never felt so good!  I could already see the blisters, the smell of myself almost knocked me over, my head itched with dirt, my clothes were stuck to me…it wasn’t pretty.  I changed clothes in the car and felt like a new person.  We went to eat and I was craving carbs…chips, rice, bread…anything.  We headed home…and I was in the shower and in bed by 10:30pm…what a day.

I can home and wrapped by toes...boy did they hurt...and yesterday, I had an x-ray on my foot and I have a stress injury...from walking on the side of my foot (subconsciously) because of the blisters...but remember...I completed it!  I earned my badge...EARNED IT!!!!!!

So why in the world did I do this?  Why did I spend an entire Saturday walking about Nashville carrying weight?  Why did I miss the game of my kiddos last football game before playoffs?  Why did I do this to myself? 

Because…I needed it for me.  WHAT!?!?!?  Yes, I needed it for me.  I needed to do something that was for me…something didn’t include meltdowns, that didn’t include homework, something that didn’t include practice times, something that didn’t include cleaning.  I needed to do something for me.  And why?  Because I am told over and over that I am strong.  Well you know what?  I don’t feel strong some days.  Some days I feel like the weakest person in the world…one that carries everybody’s weight, everybody’s struggles, everybody’s problems.  There are days that I feel like I am crawling to get by in life.  Days that there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done and the next day isn’t looking good either.  There are days that I look at others and think “why can’t I be more like them”…and to be honest, I needed to show myself why God made me like me. 

I wanted to prove to myself that I could get through it…that I was physically strong.  That I actually could keep up with people that are strong.  That I am someone that can do something for me, yet it be completely out of my comfort zone…but I can prove to myself that I am strong.  STRONG!!!!!

So even though I was gone a day away from my family…a day where I missed games, parties, and family…I am glad that I went.  I am proud that made it through.  And I am amazed that God put me in Our Life by Numbers!

Little NFL

Apparently I have signed my two children up for Little NFL.  No joke.  I was informed today during a regular scheduled game the Little Superbowl how serious I should take this game and not hold anything back when it comes to cheering for my team.  That includes, but is not limited to:

1.  Yelling at the coaches when they aren’t doing what you think they should be doing because, as you know, you are the World’s Greatest Coach in the Stands.  These comments can be anything from “Pick someone else to coach” to “Why are we doing this” to “Don’t holler at him Coach just grab the shotgun” to “Let’s teach them something different in practice” to “Step up coach are you afraid to do something”.  During these phrases, hitting your nearest Assistant-Stands Coach on the back is highly recommended.  Also, don’t forget to throw out some cuss words so that not only the fans can hear, but also the kiddos on the field.

2.  Screaming at the referees about how ridiculous their calls are because on top of you being the World’s Greatest Stands Coach, you are also a professional referee that can obviously see the game better in the stands than the referees that are actually in the game…on the field…standing with the kiddos…the ones that could actually get hurt too because they are so close.

3.  Raising your voice so the kiddos can hear the terms “break their arms”, “break their necks” and “if they do that play, at least hit them hard so you can get something out of it”.  Also “Kids are gonna cheat” is a fan favorite as you know how sneaky those pesky 8-10 year olds can be as they are being paid millions of dollars to wear helmets that make them look like bobbleheads and uniforms that don’t exactly fit them like a glove.  We can’t let those children cheat in a game where some don’t even know if they are on the home or away team. 

4.  One also needs to realize that yelling out plays that make absolutely no sense is a positive move since maybe it will help the team.  Things like “We just need one more touchdown” even though the score is 87-22 and there are only 52 seconds left might actually work.  Time might be added to the clock or maybe the field will swallow up the other team’s goal so that everybody will just have to score on one side of the field.  “Do that play again” is a phrase that would be good if your team just scored a touchdown and you got possession of the ball again.  This is NOT a good phrase if your team just intercepted the ball.  If you scream that phrase, you are actually saying that you want the other team to intercept the ball.  Be very careful about your phrases…remember…you ARE the World’s Greatest Coach in the Stands.

5.  And at the end of the game, don’t forget to go out with a bang.  That could include yelling phrases such as “the coaches are preparing us each week to lose”, stomping down the bleachers, cussing, or even getting kicked out of the game.  Ending with a bang helps others to know that you are serious about this game and they should be too.

So before you sign your children up for a sport, you need to make sure that you can follow these 5 simple rules…rules that make these games so exciting...rules that make the game.  Because everybody knows that THESE rules that are posted weren’t made to actually be followed...

…because if we all followed these rules, life wouldn't have been so exciting today in Our Life by Numbers. 

Steppin' Up on My Soapbox....

Well...I've kept quiet long enough.  I know I said I wasn't going to write about this, but it's time.  It's time to give my own spin on something that I am tired of seeing on tv, on my phone alerts, and on the internet.  Yes, friends...if you stay my friend after this post...I'm talking about the election.

(GASP)

We've got two people and one of those crazies is gonna be our next president.  And let's face it, they are their own slice of crazy.  I mean, you can pretty much throw moral and ethics out the window with either candidate.  You can't tell me that morally and/or ethically one is better than the other.  One says they can grab women and the other deletes e-mails.  One talks bad about people who are going to vote for the other candidate and the other has a temper hotter than fire itself.  They both talk horribly about each other and how bad the other one will be as president...and neither one can give a straight answer about what they can do when asked.  The debates are worse than when my kiddos argue...at least at our house, they can go to separate rooms, eventually apologize, and are playing nicely afterwards.

It's ridiculous friends...but we've come down to this.  Seriously...one of these people will be our next president.

And let's start talking about how these two people have made us crazy.  Absolutely insane.  I have read the most demeaning posts degrading people who want to vote for one side or the other.  ARE WE SERIOUS!?!?!?  When did we decide that having an opinion was worth ending friendships, talking disgustingly to AND about each other, and showing that if you don't believe me, then you are an idiot?  Are we at the point in our lives that we have the freedom of speech, but that's just really something we say and don't mean?  Are we really okay with some of the hatred that has spewed out of our mouths to each other?  I mean, I know we're not voting for the top two candidates in America to be our president, but when did it become okay to not let people have an opinion?  And when they do have an opinion, to tear them apart limb from limb?

And you know what gets me?  The people that say "I'm a Republican so I'll always vote Republican" or "I'm a Democrat so I'll always vote Democrat".  Really?  Have you checked to see what "your" candidate is for/against?  What about voting for what's best for our country...or your state...or your city...or you?  Or what about not voting for what your parents vote for because that's what you think you have to do?

So let me tell you what we did with the kiddos after they were making fun of one candidate or another....we educated them.  We first sat down with each boy individually and went over a quiz about all of the issues.  It was AMAZING to see the results...and how don't make fun of the candidates on issues that they really didn't know much about anyway.  And the best, was when one of the kiddos took the quiz and it came up that he should vote for the other candidate.  Eye-opening, I tell ya.  

Now, if you have looked deeply into the issues...that's another story.  I'm proud of you (if that even means anything to you by now)....but lay off the horrible, disgusting, demeaning, yelling at other people who have a different opinion.  Because let me tell you, the "if you vote for _______ I will not be your friend anymore" comments is just about as childish as my kiddos fighting over three caramel apples...three kiddos fighting over three caramel apples.  Let that sink in...

And, last, but not least...the people that say they aren't going to vote.  UGH.  Voting is a privilege.  There are countries that don't GET to vote.  They are told who is in charge...or someone just picks themselves to be in charge.  And you're saying you're not going to take that privilege and vote for a President of the Unites States of America?!?!?!?  If you REALLY look, have ANY of our presidents been the most "moral, ethical, spiritual, absolutely goes with every one of our ideas" type of person?  If so, that's amazing, but I always find something that I disagree with in a candidate...I'm impressed if someone...especially one of these current candidates...meets all of your qualifications....because neither one of these candidates meets mine...and I'm not just talking about morally or ethically...I'm saying neither of the candidates meets what I want on the issues...the global, financial, educational issues.  Neither one of them line up point by point in what I want...so I have to vote for the one I think meets most of my issues...and even though I'm highly disappointed in both candidates, I am going to vote.

I mean, I'm not running for president...I can't even fathom what these candidates are going through as their lives are being run in the press.  If I was running for president, I could guarantee you that it would be fun to watch and a little drama here and there.  My kiddos would still be shopping at the thrift shop or getting hand-me-down clothes from my friends.  I would still have curly hair...but I would have my hair stylist live in the white house so I could have perfect, fluffy hair all of the time.  I would probably never have to set foot in a kitchen for 4 years and my kiddos would think that is an answered prayer from heaven (cuz I'm pretty sure their "chewy" pizza from tonight did not go over well).  And the big red button everybody talks about?  Well I can imagine about a 2-3 day time frame each month where all the countries would be on their best behavior.

Here's the deal, we try to teach our children to play nicely...stick up for themselves...work hard...respect others...follow your dreams...do the best you can at whatever you do...have fun.  And in our family, we teach our children about God.  So when our children ask about the presidential issues, we straight up tell them that God's got this.  Are we worried?  Why should we be?  No matter who the next president is...no matter what they do...no matter what happens...God is going to take care of them and knows the future.  And the funny thing...I talk about that all the time and nobody degrades me or tells me I'm stupid...but if I put my choice for one of these crazy candidates?  Well...let's just say it would be a different story in Our Life by Numbers!  ;)